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Yo Mama Jokes - You Momma Jokes - SO FAT - SO STUPID
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YO MAMA JOKES >>

YO MOMMA JOKES >>

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YO MAMA SO FAT >>

when I said I wanted "Pigs in a blanket" she got back in bed.

she makes Free Willy look like a tic tac

she has to wear a sock on each toe

if she were an aeroplane, she'd be a jumbo jet.

her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.

when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station.

the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures

when she steps on the scale it says sorry we don't do livestock

her nickname is "DAMN"

her belly button's got an echo

the only thing attracted to her is gravity

that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, the bitch caused an eclipse.

she got to iron her pants on the driveway!

when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.

she has to iron her clothes in the driveway.

when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.

she cant reach her back pocket

that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!

when she sat on a rainbow, Skittle's fell out.

the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale

she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us

when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall. Yo Momma Jokes and Insults

when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them

we're in her right now

when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!

she got on an airplane and only the wings took off

one day she was lifting up her rolls and a car fell out.

they have to grease the bath tub to get her out

when she steps on a scale, it says "To be continued"

when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas

when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up

when she bungee jumps she pulls down the bridge too

when she wore a shirt with an AA on it, people thought it was American Airlines biggest jet.

and you're so poor, when she comes in your house the tires pop.

she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck.

she could be the eighth continent

she has her own zip code

she influences the tides

she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.

her baby pictures were taken by satellite

she's 36-24-36... but that's her forearm, neck, and thigh!

she don't take pictures, she takes posters

when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.

she stands in two time zones

when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't do curtains"

she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out

she's got her own area code!

when she steps on a scale, it reads "One at a time, please"

when she bends over we lose an hour of daylight

when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun

she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.

her picture takes two frames.

you have to roll her ass in flour and look for the wet spot to fuck her!

when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights!

when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"


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YO MOMMA SO DIRTY >>

roaches ride around on dune buggies!

she has to creep up on bathwater.

she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.


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YO MAMMA SO STUPID >>

she thinks a sanitary belt is drinking a shot out of a clean glass.

she uses a hula hoop to hold up her socks

even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction

when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't do curtains"

when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up

when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun

when she bends over we lose an hour of daylight

she got on an airplane and only the wings took off

she got stabbed in a shoot out.

that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind

she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.

she don't take pictures, she takes posters

she put your puppy in the oven to make a hot dog

she used a vibrator for an egg beater.

small objects tend to orbit her

she thought meow mix was a record for cats.

everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil

when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose

she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

when you get on top of her your ears pop

I taught her how to do the running man and I haven't seen the bitch since.

after she gets through turning around, they throw her a welcome back party

she put lipstick on her forehead, talking about she was trying to makeup her mind.

they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through tunnel when they want to clean it

she tried to drop acid but the car battery fell on her foot.

the only thing attracted to her is gravity

she sold the house to pay the mortgage.

the highway patrol made her wear "Caution Wide Turn"

you have to dig for her IQ!

she broke her leg, and gravy poured out

that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics."

when she wears a yellow raincoat, folks run after her yelling "TAXI"

she wears a watch on each arm One for each time zone

when she saw the "NC-17 (Under 17 Not Admitted)" sign, she went home and got 16 friends

she sold her car for gasoline money!

I have to roll her over twice to get her on her back

she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill.

she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.

she thought Thiland was a men's clothing store.

when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon.

she needs to put a bookmark in her folds to find her belly button

she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.

she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon

she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out

she cant reach her back pocket

she's got shock absorbers on her toilet seat

she ran out of gas leaving Texaco.

she thought hamburger helper came with another person.

when she steps on a scale, it says "I don't do livestock"

she sits on the TV and watches the sofa

she cant tie her own shoes

when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them

she fell and made the Grand Canyon


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YO MOMA SO UGLY >>

she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away the W's

she farted and put herself into an orbit

when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them

her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras

she broke her leg, and gravy poured out

she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us

she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

when she went to the zoo, the elephants threw peanuts at her

she wears a watch on each arm One for each time zone

she was Miss Arizona -- class battleship

when she was born, they put her in an incubator with tinted windows

when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up

she had to get her baby drunk to breastfeed it!

I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

when she goes to a restaurant, she looks at a menu and goes, "Okay"

she got hit by a parked car

when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end

that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose

she scares the roaches away.

small objects tend to orbit her

the difference between her and Moby Dick is about three pounds

she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book

she looks out the window and gets arrested!

the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs

the government moved Halloween to her birthday

she fell in love and broke it

cows graze by her for the shade

when she steps on a scale, it says "I don't do livestock"

when she wears a Malcom X shirt, helicopters try to land on her

She has to use a VCR as a beeper

when she threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back

she looks for the Sunday paper on Tuesdays

she has to wear a sock on each toe

she invented glow-in-the-dark sunglasses /water-proof teabag/wheelchair with pedals

they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints

she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors

she sells shade in the summer

she took your dog to the Canine Show and won your dog came in second

she's on both sides of the family

she went to a 24-hr store and asked what time they closed

when she was born, the doctor slapped her mother

they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower

they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

she cant reach her back pocket

when she steps on a scale, it says "To be continued"

her senior picture had to be an aerial view

when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun

that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.

the NHL banned her for life

she accidently got a 747 caught in her teeth

she needed her ears pierced with a harpoon

the highway patrol made her wear "Caution Wide Turn"

she puts on her belt with a boomerang


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YO MAMA SO OLD >>

when she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick.

she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.

she ran track with dinosaurs.

I told her to act her age and the bitch died.

she's got Jesus' beeper number.

when god said "let there be light" she was there to flick the switch.

she watches PBS.

when Moses split the red sea, she was on the other side fishing.

she has Jesus' beeper number!

she has a picture of Jesus in her yearbook.

that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch'

the candles cost more than the birthday cake.

she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.

she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

she owes Jesus 3 bucks!

she sat next to Jesus in third grade.

she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

she drove a chariot to high school.

when God said "Let their be light", she flipped the switch.

she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.

when she was young rainbows were black and white.

she was a waitress at the last supper.

she planted the first tree at Central Park.

she baby-sat for Jesus.

she has all the apostles in her black book.

she has Adam & Eve's autographs.

she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

she's in Jesus's yearbook!

she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

she owes Moses a quarter.

and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything".

her birth certificate says expired on it.

she farts out mummy dust.

when she reads the bible she reminisces.

I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.

she has an autographed bible.

she used to baby-sit Yoda.

Jurassic Park brought back memories.



her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

she has a Jesus Starter jacket.

she used to baby-sit Jesus.

her memory is in black and white.

she knew the Beetles when they were the New Kids on the Block.

she's got hieroglyphics on her driver's license.

her birth-certificate expired.

the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment.

when she was in school there was no history class.

her social security number is 1.

her birthday expired.

she co-wrote the ten commandments.

she squirts powdered milk out her nipples.

she owes Jesus a nickel.


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YO MOMMA SO POOR >>

she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

she can't afford to pay attention!

she drives a peanut.

she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.

she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.

when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

her face is on the front of a foodstamp.

when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!

when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!!!

she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.


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YO MAMMA SO DARK >>

she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.

that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.

she spits chocolate milk!

she went to night school and was marked absent!


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YO MOMA SO SHORT >>

she poses for trophies!

she does backflips under the bed.

you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!

she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

she can play handball on the curb.


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YO MAMA SO NASTY >>

when she goes to a hair salon, she told the stylist to cut her hair and she opened up her shirt

she had sex with a woman and got pregnant.

she went to a hair salon and told the stylist to cut her hair, then she opened up her blouse!!

she breeds crabs.

she only changes her drawers once every 10000 miles.

a skunk smelled her ass and passed out.

she pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh

that her shit is glad to escape.

she made speed stick slow down.

they call her Norelco... Home of the triple head.

Ozzie Ozbourne refused to bite her head off

when I went to yo house said whats for dinner, yo mama jumped up on the table, spread her legs, and said "crabs!"

she made Speed Stick slow down.

I called her up for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.

she has to creep up on bathwater.

she brings crabs to the beach

I talked to her over the computer and she gave me a virus.

she puts ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh.



she has more crabs then Red Lobster.

the fishery be paying her to leave

She gotta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh!

she went swimming and made the Dead Sea.

she made Right Guard turn left.

when I went to yo house said whats for dinner, yo mama put her foot up on the table and said "Corn!"

she bought her boyfriend kneepads for christmas.

she's got more clap than an auditorium.

she has a sign by her pussy that says: "Warning: May cause irritation, drowsiness, and a rash or breakouts."

her tits give sour milk.

she made right guard turn left.

her crabs use her tampon string as a bungee cord.


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YO MOMMA LIKE >>

a Chinese restaurant, $4.95 all you can eat.

McDonalds... over 5 billion served world wide.

a door knob, everybody gets a turn.

Humpty Dumpty... first she gets humped, then she gets dumped.

a tomato source bottle, everyone gets a squeeze out of her!

Burger King... Your way, right away.

Domino's pizza-- Something for nothing

a mail box, open day and night.

a window, always open.

a bowling ball, she gets picked up, fingered, thrown down the gutter, and she still l comes back for more.

an ATM, open 24 hours.

the pillbury doughboy - everyone gets a poke!

a bus, fifty cents and she's ready to ride!

a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece.

a bowling ball, she always winds up in the gutter.

7-Eleven... open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy.

an ice cream cone... everyone gets a lick.

a hockey player, she only showers after three periods.

a hardware store, 25 cents a screw.

McDonalds... Billions and Billions served.

a golf course, everyone GETS a hole in one!

a screen door, after a couple of bangs she loosens up.

a vacuum cleaner... a real good suck.

a railroad track, she gets laid all over the country.

a rifle... four cocks and she's loaded.

a shotgun: one cock and she blows!

a screen door, after a couple bangs she tends to loosen up!

the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen.

a Toyota, "OOooh what a feeling!"

chinese food: sweet, sour and cheap!

the Panama Canal, vessels full of seamen pass through her everyday.

a basketball hoop, everybody gets a shot.

a doorknob, everyone gets a turn!

a bubble gum machine, 5 cents a blow.

a T.V. set, even a three year old can turn her on!

Discover card, she gives cash back.

a race car driver, she burns a lot of rubbers.

a fine restaurant, she only takes deliveries in the rear.

Dominoes Pizza, something for nothing.

a brick, dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans.

a hardware store: 4 cents a screw!

Orange Crush: "Good Vibrations!"

a library, open to the public.

Sprint, 10 cents a minute anywhere in the country.

a bubble-gum machine... five cents a blow.

a refridgerator, everyone puts their meat in her.

cake mix, 15 servings per package!

cheap liquor, tastes like shit.

a dollar bill, she gets handled all across the country.

a 5 foot tall basketball hoop, it ain't that hard to score.

a bowling ball... round, heavy, and you can fit three fingers in.

a bowling ball. She's picked up, fingered, and then thrown in the gutter.

a nickel, she ain't worth a dime.

a vaccuum cleaner.....a real good suck.

a microwave, one button and she's hot.


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YO MAMMA SO HAIRY >>

her breasts look like coconuts.

Bigfoot is taking her picture!

she's got afros on her nipples!

she got a trim and lost 10 pounds.

she has afros on her nipples.

you almost died of rug burn at birth.

if I shaved her legs, I could supply wigs for the entire Hair Club for Men.

she shaved her ass and she disappeared.

she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.

she spread her legs and said, "We're going to Busch Gardens."

she shaves with a weedwacker.

she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.

she's a stunt double for Chubaca in Star Wars.


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YO MOMA SO SLUTTY >>

she was on the cover of wheaties, with her legs open, and it said "breakfast of the champs"

that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she thought she was getting it three times.

I fucked her and I's a chick!

when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented on her nice belt!

she blind and seeing another man.

she had her own "Hands across her ass" charity drive

that I could've been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change.

she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!

she could suck-start a Harley!

is so long, its growing all the way down to her dick.


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YO MAMA SO BIG >>

that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"

when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.

she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.

she whistles bass. she uses bowling balls for earrings.

when you climb on top of her your ears pop.

they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling.

when she stands up the sun goes out

you can go bowling with her boogers!

she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.

when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway.

her belly button's got an echo.

when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings!

she makes Pinochio look like a cat!

she rollerskates on busses.

she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.


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YO MOMMA SO GREASY >>

she used bacon as a band-aid!

Texaco buys Oil from her

she sweats Crisco!


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YO MAMMA SO YELLOW >>

she spits butter!

traffic slows down when she smiles!


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YO MOMA SO LAZY >>

she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.


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YO MAMA SO SKINNY >>

she hula hoops with a cheerio

she turned sideways and dissapeared.

she has to wear a belt with spandex.


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YO MOMMA SO BALD >>

that she took a shower and got brain-washed.

even a wig wouldn't help!

you can see whats on her mind


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YO MAMMA SO TALL >>

she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.

she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.

she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.


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YO MOMA SO FLAT >>

she's jealous of the wall!


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YO MAMA GLASSES >>

that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.



she can see into the future.


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YO MOMMA HAS >>

a wooden afro with an "X" carved in the back.

so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.

a short leg and walks in circles.

one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying.

4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.

one leg and a bicycle.

a 'fro with warning lights.

one hand and a Clapper.



10 fingers--all on the same hand.

a short arm and can't applaude.

a glass eye with a fish in it.

green hair and thinks she's a tree.

an afro with a chin strap.


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YO MAMMA GOT >>

a' afro, wit' a chin strap!!!!

so many freckles she looks like a hamburger!

so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.

a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.

a metal afro with rusty sideburns.



two wooden legs and one is one backward.

a bald head with a part and sideburns.

three fingers and a banjo.

a wooden leg with branches.


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YO MOMA SO SMALL >>

she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.

you have to go outside to change your mind.

that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.


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YO MAMA SO DIRTY >>

roaches ride around on dune buggies!

she has to creep up on bathwater.

she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.


*****************

YO MOMMA SO BIG >>

that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"

when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.

she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.

she whistles bass. she uses bowling balls for earrings.

when you climb on top of her your ears pop.

they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling.

when she stands up the sun goes out

you can go bowling with her boogers!

she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.

when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway.

her belly button's got an echo.

when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings!

she makes Pinochio look like a cat!

she rollerskates on busses.

she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.


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YO MAMA JOKES >>

YO MOMMA JOKES >>

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