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Yo Mama Jokes - You Momma Jokes - SO FAT - SO STUPID
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YO MOMMA JOKES >>

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YO MAMA SO FAT >>

when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall. Yo Momma Jokes and Insults

she can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation.

she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her back in the water.

she uses a hula hoop to hold up her socks

she can lay down and stand up and her height doesn't change.

the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her

when she bends over we lose an hour of daylight

when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!

she broke her leg, and gravy poured out

you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through

when she steps on the scale it says sorry we don't do livestock

when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"

she don't know whether she's walking or rolling.

when she dances, she makes the band skip.

her college graduation picture was an airial.

she's 36-24-36... but that's her forearm, neck, and thigh!

her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.

one day when she got in a fight the person fighting her got lost in her.

when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.

she got on an airplane and only the wings took off

that she would have been in ET, but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse

her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!

after she gets through turning around, they throw her a welcome back party

her favorite dress is a tent

the horse on her Polo shirt is real.

she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.

small objects tend to orbit her

when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.

she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us

she was mistaken for God's bowling ball!

when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 5 years to live.

when she steps on the scale it says one at a time please

when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose

all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama"

cows graze by her for the shade

at a restaurant when they give her the menu she replies " yes Please"

all the chairs in her house have seatbelts.

I have to roll her over twice to get her on her back

when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.

sets off car alarms when she runs.

she needs to put a bookmark in her folds to find her belly button

the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale

when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up

when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them

she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!

when she works at the movie theatre, she works as the screen.

she wakes up in sections

when you get on top of her your ears pop

when she goes to a restaurant she gets and estimate

she was Miss Arizona -- class battleship

they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through tunnel when they want to clean it

when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"

she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck.

when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.


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YO MOMMA SO DIRTY >>

roaches ride around on dune buggies!

she has to creep up on bathwater.

she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.


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YO MAMMA SO STUPID >>

she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

when she steps on a scale, it reads "One at a time, please"

she has to fly cargo class

she got on her knees to drink her "Nehi" peach drink.

when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."

she tried to drop acid but the car battery fell on her foot.

when she sits at the beach, Greenpeace tries to tow her back into the ocean

she only has one toe on each foot, but she bought a pair of flip flops

the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs

when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them

she thinks a 17 inch Admiral is a well hung sailor.

when she goes to the beach, the kids yell, "Free Willy"

cows graze by her for the shade

she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

she invented glow-in-the-dark sunglasses /water-proof teabag/wheelchair with pedals

she got fired from a blow-job.

she ordered a cheese burger from McDonald's and said "Hold the cheese."

when she goes to a restaurant, she looks at a menu and goes, "Okay"

she has to put on lipstick with a paint-roller

the National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts

she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

she wears a watch on each arm One for each time zone

she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

that she would have been in ET, but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse

she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl

she don't take pictures, she takes posters

her senior picture had to be an aerial view

they have to grease the bath tub to get her out

that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

she sent me a fax with a stamp on it

she left home with high heels, she came back with flip-flops

she bought a solar-powered flashlight

she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company.

she cant tie her own shoes

that she sold the car for gas money.

she got on an airplane and only the wings took off

she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.

when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

she could trip over a cordless phone!

she thought asphalt was a skin disease. she thought Delt a Airlines was a sorority.

that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out

when she wears a yellow raincoat, folks run after her yelling "TAXI"

she farted and put herself into an orbit

when asked on an application, "Sex?", she marked, "M, F and sometimes Wednesday too."

she got stabbed in a shoot out.

she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gumball to come out.

she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

I taught her how to do the running man and I haven't seen the bitch since.

she thought meow mix was a record for cats.

she got hit by a parked car

when she wears a Malcom X shirt, helicopters try to land on her

she put your puppy in the oven to make a hot dog

she has her own zip code

she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon


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YO MOMA SO UGLY >>

they push her face into the dough to make gorilla cookies

she writes "Thank You" notes for her bills

when she was born, they put her in an incubator with tinted windows

her belly button's got an echo

just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

when she sits at the beach, Greenpeace tries to tow her back into the ocean

when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end

when I asked her to buy me a color TV, she asked me what color

she stands in two time zones

she looks for the Sunday paper on Tuesdays

She has to use a VCR as a beeper

she has to fly cargo class

when she passes by your bathroom, the toilet flushes

when she gets up, the sun goes down

she got hit by a parked car

she spent twenty minutes staring at the orange juice carton because it said "Concentrate"

she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

she makes blind kids cry

when she steps on a scale, it says "To be continued"

her baby pictures were taken by satellite

when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?"

for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

she only has one toe on each foot, but she bought a pair of flip flops

that she would have been in ET, but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse

she was Miss Arizona -- class battleship



when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up

she scares the roaches away.

she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!

even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction

she turned Medusa to stone!

she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away the W's

everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil

she fell and made the Grand Canyon

she has to wear a sock on each toe

she had to get her baby drunk to breastfeed it!

she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors

I strangled her with a cordless phone

the highway patrol made her wear "Caution Wide Turn"

the prince would rather live as a frog than kiss her

even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!

she stepped on a talking scale and it said @#**&^%

she stands up on an empty bus

she farted and put herself into an orbit

when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate

she shows up on radar

the National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts

that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

the psychiatrist makes her lie face-down

people go as her for Halloween.

when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas

they put her in dough and made monster cookies!

that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.

she left home with high heels, she came back with flip-flops

the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs


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YO MAMA SO OLD >>

when she was young rainbows were black and white.

and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything".

I told her to act her age and the bitch died.

she's in Jesus's yearbook!

she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.

when God said "Let their be light", she flipped the switch.

her memory is in black and white.

her social security number is 1.

she farts out mummy dust.

when Moses split the red sea, she was on the other side fishing.

she owes Moses a quarter.

her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

she owes Jesus 3 bucks!

she drove a chariot to high school.

she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

she's got Jesus' beeper number.

she co-wrote the ten commandments.

she knew the Beetles when they were the New Kids on the Block.

she used to baby-sit Jesus.

she baby-sat for Jesus.

she watches PBS.

her birthday expired.

when she reads the bible she reminisces.

I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.

she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

Jurassic Park brought back memories.

she has Jesus' beeper number!

she's got hieroglyphics on her driver's license.

she has Adam & Eve's autographs.

she has a Jesus Starter jacket.

she used to baby-sit Yoda.

she ran track with dinosaurs.

when she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick.

she planted the first tree at Central Park.

her birth certificate says expired on it.

that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch'

she has a picture of Jesus in her yearbook.

she squirts powdered milk out her nipples.

she sat next to Jesus in third grade.

when she was in school there was no history class.



she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

the candles cost more than the birthday cake.

the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment.

she has all the apostles in her black book.

she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.

her birth-certificate expired.

she has an autographed bible.

she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.

she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

she was a waitress at the last supper.

she owes Jesus a nickel.

when god said "let there be light" she was there to flick the switch.


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YO MOMMA SO POOR >>

she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.

when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!

she drives a peanut.

she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.

when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!!!

when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

her face is on the front of a foodstamp.

she can't afford to pay attention!

your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.


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YO MAMMA SO DARK >>

that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.

she went to night school and was marked absent!

she spits chocolate milk!

she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.


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YO MOMA SO SHORT >>

she does backflips under the bed.

she poses for trophies!

she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!

she can play handball on the curb.


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YO MAMA SO NASTY >>

she has more crabs then Red Lobster.

she pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh

Ozzie Ozbourne refused to bite her head off

she made Right Guard turn left.

she puts ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh.

she went to a hair salon and told the stylist to cut her hair, then she opened up her blouse!!

I called her up for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.

she had sex with a woman and got pregnant.

she has to creep up on bathwater.

the fishery be paying her to leave

she has a sign by her pussy that says: "Warning: May cause irritation, drowsiness, and a rash or breakouts."

She gotta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh!

she went swimming and made the Dead Sea.

a skunk smelled her ass and passed out.

she made Speed Stick slow down.



she made speed stick slow down.

she made right guard turn left.

she breeds crabs.

her tits give sour milk.

her crabs use her tampon string as a bungee cord.

they call her Norelco... Home of the triple head.

when I went to yo house said whats for dinner, yo mama put her foot up on the table and said "Corn!"

that her shit is glad to escape.

she's got more clap than an auditorium.

she only changes her drawers once every 10000 miles.

I talked to her over the computer and she gave me a virus.

when I went to yo house said whats for dinner, yo mama jumped up on the table, spread her legs, and said "crabs!"

when she goes to a hair salon, she told the stylist to cut her hair and she opened up her shirt

she brings crabs to the beach

she bought her boyfriend kneepads for christmas.


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YO MOMMA LIKE >>

a hockey player, she only showers after three periods.

cheap liquor, tastes like shit.

a championship ring, everybody puts a finger in her.

speakers, loud, ugly, lives in a box, and you can turn her up, down, on, and off.

a nickel, she ain't worth a dime.

Discover card, she gives cash back.

a bowling ball, she always winds up in the gutter.

Pizza Hut, if she isn't there in 30 minutes... it's free.

a bus: Guys climb on and off her all day long.

mustard, she spreads easy.

a goalie: she changes her pads after three periods.

a screen door, after a couple bangs she tends to loosen up!

a mail box, open day and night.

an ice cream cone... everyone gets a lick.

a turtle, once she's on her back she's fucked.

a bag of potato chips, "Free-To-Lay."

a 5 foot tall basketball hoop, it ain't that hard to score.

a bowling ball. She's picked up, fingered, and then thrown in the gutter.

Dominoes Pizza, something for nothing.

a window, always open.

a race car driver, she burns a lot of rubbers.

McDonalds... Billions and Billions served.

the Panama Canal, vessels full of seamen pass through her everyday.

a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece.

a golf course, everyone GETS a hole in one!

Dominoes Pizza, one call does it all.

a Toyota, "OOooh what a feeling!"

a railroad track, she gets laid all over the country.

a carpenter's dream, flat as a board and easy to nail.

a screen door, after a couple of bangs she loosens up.

a bus, fifty cents and she's ready to ride!

cake mix, 15 servings per package!

a door knob, everybody gets a turn.

a vacuum cleaner... a real good suck.

a bowling ball... round, heavy, and you can fit three fingers in.

a rifle... four cocks and she's loaded.

a basketball hoop, everybody gets a shot.

a T.V. set, even a three year old can turn her on!

Orange Crush: "Good Vibrations!"

McDonalds... What you want is what you get.

the Pillsbury dough boy - everybody pokes her.

a tomato source bottle, everyone gets a squeeze out of her!

Domino's pizza-- Something for nothing

a chicken coop, cocks fly in and out all day.

the pillbury doughboy - everyone gets a poke!

a squirrel, she's always got some nuts in her mouth.

a dollar bill, she gets handled all across the country.

McDonalds... over 5 billion served world wide.

a vaccuum cleaner.....a real good suck.

a shotgun: one cock and she blows!

Sprint, 10 cents a minute anywhere in the country.

a light switch, even a little kid can turn her on.

a telephone booth, open to the public, costs a quarter, and guys go in and out all day.

Bazooka Joe, 5 cents a blow.

a bubble gum machine, 5 cents a blow.


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YO MAMMA SO HAIRY >>

she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.

she's a stunt double for Chubaca in Star Wars.

she shaved her ass and she disappeared.

she's got afros on her nipples!

she got a trim and lost 10 pounds.

her breasts look like coconuts.

she spread her legs and said, "We're going to Busch Gardens."

she shaves with a weedwacker.

if I shaved her legs, I could supply wigs for the entire Hair Club for Men.

Bigfoot is taking her picture!

you almost died of rug burn at birth.

she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.

she has afros on her nipples.


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YO MOMA SO SLUTTY >>

she was on the cover of wheaties, with her legs open, and it said "breakfast of the champs"

that I could've been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change.

she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!

she could suck-start a Harley!

she blind and seeing another man.

when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented on her nice belt!

I fucked her and I's a chick!

she had her own "Hands across her ass" charity drive

is so long, its growing all the way down to her dick.

that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she thought she was getting it three times.


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YO MAMA SO BIG >>

when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings!

she makes Pinochio look like a cat!

when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway.

when she stands up the sun goes out

her belly button's got an echo.

you can go bowling with her boogers!

when you climb on top of her your ears pop.

that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"

she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.

she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.

she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.

she whistles bass. she uses bowling balls for earrings.

when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.

they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling.

she rollerskates on busses.


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YO MOMMA SO GREASY >>

Texaco buys Oil from her

she sweats Crisco!

she used bacon as a band-aid!


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YO MAMMA SO YELLOW >>

traffic slows down when she smiles!

she spits butter!


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YO MOMA SO LAZY >>

she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.


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YO MAMA SO SKINNY >>

she turned sideways and dissapeared.

she has to wear a belt with spandex.

she hula hoops with a cheerio


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YO MOMMA SO BALD >>

even a wig wouldn't help!

you can see whats on her mind

that she took a shower and got brain-washed.


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YO MAMMA SO TALL >>

she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.

she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.

she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.


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YO MOMA SO FLAT >>

she's jealous of the wall!


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YO MAMA GLASSES >>

that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.



she can see into the future.


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YO MOMMA HAS >>

one hand and a Clapper.

10 fingers--all on the same hand.

a 'fro with warning lights.

one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying.

a short arm and can't applaude.

4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.

one leg and a bicycle.

green hair and thinks she's a tree.

a wooden afro with an "X" carved in the back.

a glass eye with a fish in it.



an afro with a chin strap.

a short leg and walks in circles.

so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.


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YO MAMMA GOT >>

a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.

a' afro, wit' a chin strap!!!!

a wooden leg with branches.

three fingers and a banjo.

a metal afro with rusty sideburns.

so many freckles she looks like a hamburger!



so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.

a bald head with a part and sideburns.

two wooden legs and one is one backward.


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YO MOMA SO SMALL >>

she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.

you have to go outside to change your mind.

that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.


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YO MAMA SO DIRTY >>

roaches ride around on dune buggies!

she has to creep up on bathwater.

she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.


*****************

YO MOMMA SO BIG >>

when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings!

she makes Pinochio look like a cat!

when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway.

when she stands up the sun goes out

her belly button's got an echo.

you can go bowling with her boogers!

when you climb on top of her your ears pop.

that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"

she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.

she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.

she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.

she whistles bass. she uses bowling balls for earrings.

when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.

they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling.

she rollerskates on busses.


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YO MAMA JOKES >>

YO MOMMA JOKES >>

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