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Yo Mama Jokes - You Momma Jokes - SO FAT - SO STUPID
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YO MAMA JOKES >>

YO MOMMA JOKES >>

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YO MAMA SO FAT >>

that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean.....

when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas

that she cant tie her own shoes.

when she back up she beep.

when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"

when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!

she's 36-24-36... but that's her forearm, neck, and thigh!

she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!

she was baptized at Marine World.

she fell in love and broke it

her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.

when she steps on the scale it says one at a time please

she has to fly cargo class

she uses a mattress for a tampon.

she has her own zip code

after she gets through turning around, they throw her a welcome back party

God couldn't light Earth till she moved!

that her senior pictures had to be arial views!

when you get on top of her your ears pop

when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.

when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th

the only thing attracted to her is gravity

we're in her right now

she wakes up in sections

that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.

Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.

when she wears a yellow raincoat, folks run after her yelling "TAXI"

she's got shock absorbers on her toilet seat

she jumped in the air and got stuck.

when she goes to a restaurant she gets and estimate

a picture of her would fall off the wall

she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets

when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.

she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.

when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...

that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, the bitch caused an eclipse.

the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures

her senior picture had to be an aerial view

she stands in two time zones

when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up

when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her back in the water.

she influences the tides

when she went to the zoo, the elephants threw peanuts at her

the horse on her Polo shirt is real.

everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil

when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.

she needs to put a bookmark in her folds to find her belly button

when she bends over we lose an hour of daylight

she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy

one day when she got in a fight the person fighting her got lost in her.

her nickname is "DAMN"

when she steps on the scale it says sorry we don't do livestock

when she goes to a restaurant, she looks at a menu and goes, "Okay"

you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through

when she goes to the beach, the kids yell, "Free Willy"


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YO MOMMA SO DIRTY >>

she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.

roaches ride around on dune buggies!

she has to creep up on bathwater.


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YO MAMMA SO STUPID >>

she sold her car for gasoline money!

when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun

she thinks Trak Auto is where you get hair weaves for your car.

she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.

she fell and made the Grand Canyon

the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs

she asked me what kind of jeans I had on, I said "Guess", and she said "uh, Levi's?"

the highway patrol made her wear "Caution Wide Turn"

she wiped her ass before she took a shit.

she cant tie her own shoes

when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo



she needs to put a bookmark in her folds to find her belly button

when she bends over we lose an hour of daylight

when she goes to a restaurant, she even orders the "Thank You, Come Again"

her belly button's got an echo

she sells shade in the summer

she thought the board of education was a piece of wood.

she has to fly cargo class

when someone said "Take the trash out," she moved.

she spent twenty minutes staring at the orange juice carton because it said "Concentrate"

she got fired from a blow-job.

she looks for the Sunday paper on Tuesdays

she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill.

when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose

the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale

she put your puppy in the oven to make a hot dog

when she goes to a restaurant, she looks at a menu and goes, "Okay"

I strangled her with a cordless phone

cows graze by her for the shade

she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.

she could trip over a cordless phone!

she went to a 24-hr store and asked what time they closed

she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

she tried to drop acid but the car battery fell on her foot.

the National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts

she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon

I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod.

she influences the tides

she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

the phone company gave her two area codes

when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up

she stands in two time zones

she wakes up in sections

that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them

she ran out of gas leaving Texaco.

the difference between her and Moby Dick is about three pounds

she stepped on a talking scale and it said @#**&^%

she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

she's got shock absorbers on her toilet seat

she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.

her senior picture had to be an aerial view

she wears a watch on each arm One for each time zone

when she wears a Malcom X shirt, helicopters try to land on her


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YO MOMA SO UGLY >>

when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too

when I took her to the zoo, a guy at the door said, "Thanks for bringing her back"

she put your puppy in the oven to make a hot dog

her parents first named her "Accident"

when she wears a Malcom X shirt, helicopters try to land on her

she cant reach her back pocket

she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us

they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

she made an onion cry.

she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book

she stepped on a talking scale and it said @#**&^%

even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction

she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.

she farted and put herself into an orbit

everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil

she needs a building permit for her girdle

when she steps on a scale, it reads "One at a time, please"

she was Miss Arizona -- class battleship

when she goes to a restaurant, she looks at a menu and goes, "Okay"

she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon

her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her

when she was born, they put her in an incubator with tinted windows

her mom had to feed her with a slingshot

when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

her belly button's got an echo

when she goes to the beach, the kids yell, "Free Willy"

when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose

when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up

they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints

she has to wear a sock on each toe

when she passes by your bathroom, the toilet flushes

when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun

instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck

she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!

a picture of her would fall off the wall

she only has one toe on each foot, but she bought a pair of flip flops

that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs

when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end

her baby pictures were taken by satellite

people go as her for Halloween.

she spent twenty minutes staring at the orange juice carton because it said "Concentrate"

that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.

I have to roll her over twice to get her on her back

the highway patrol made her wear "Caution Wide Turn"

she wakes up in sections

she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors

she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out

she sits on the TV and watches the sofa

she don't take pictures, she takes posters

she has her own zip code

even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!

she thought Taco Bell was a phone company in Mexico

if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects!


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YO MAMA SO OLD >>

when Moses split the red sea, she was on the other side fishing.

she's in Jesus's yearbook!

she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

when god said "let there be light" she was there to flick the switch.

she has an autographed bible.

she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

she has a picture of Jesus in her yearbook.

she owes Jesus 3 bucks!

she has Jesus' beeper number!

her social security number is 1.

I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.

when she was in school there was no history class.

she's got Jesus' beeper number.

when she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick.

her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

her memory is in black and white.

she used to baby-sit Jesus.

she watches PBS.

I told her to act her age and the bitch died.

she ran track with dinosaurs.

she's got hieroglyphics on her driver's license.

she was a waitress at the last supper.

she owes Moses a quarter.

she squirts powdered milk out her nipples.

she co-wrote the ten commandments.

she drove a chariot to high school.

she sat next to Jesus in third grade.

she owes Jesus a nickel.

the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment.



her birth-certificate expired.

Jurassic Park brought back memories.

when she reads the bible she reminisces.

she used to baby-sit Yoda.

she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.

her birth certificate says expired on it.

she has Adam & Eve's autographs.

and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything".

her birthday expired.

she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

she knew the Beetles when they were the New Kids on the Block.

she planted the first tree at Central Park.

the candles cost more than the birthday cake.

she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.

she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.

she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

she has a Jesus Starter jacket.

she has all the apostles in her black book.

when she was young rainbows were black and white.

she farts out mummy dust.

she baby-sat for Jesus.

that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch'

when God said "Let their be light", she flipped the switch.


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YO MOMMA SO POOR >>

your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.

when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!!!

she drives a peanut.

she can't afford to pay attention!

when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.

her face is on the front of a foodstamp.

when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!


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YO MAMMA SO DARK >>

she went to night school and was marked absent!

she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.

that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.

she spits chocolate milk!


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YO MOMA SO SHORT >>

you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!

she does backflips under the bed.

she poses for trophies!

she can play handball on the curb.

she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.


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YO MAMA SO NASTY >>

she has more crabs then Red Lobster.

her crabs use her tampon string as a bungee cord.

she's got more clap than an auditorium.

she has a sign by her pussy that says: "Warning: May cause irritation, drowsiness, and a rash or breakouts."

a skunk smelled her ass and passed out.

she made Speed Stick slow down.

that her shit is glad to escape.

when she goes to a hair salon, she told the stylist to cut her hair and she opened up her shirt

they call her Norelco... Home of the triple head.

the fishery be paying her to leave

she pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh

she went to a hair salon and told the stylist to cut her hair, then she opened up her blouse!!

Ozzie Ozbourne refused to bite her head off

she went swimming and made the Dead Sea.

when I went to yo house said whats for dinner, yo mama jumped up on the table, spread her legs, and said "crabs!"

she has to creep up on bathwater.

when I went to yo house said whats for dinner, yo mama put her foot up on the table and said "Corn!"

she made Right Guard turn left.

she puts ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh.

She gotta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh!

she only changes her drawers once every 10000 miles.

I called her up for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.

her tits give sour milk.

I talked to her over the computer and she gave me a virus.

she breeds crabs.

she made speed stick slow down.

she had sex with a woman and got pregnant.

she brings crabs to the beach

she bought her boyfriend kneepads for christmas.



she made right guard turn left.


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YO MOMMA LIKE >>

a shotgun: one cock and she blows!

a Christmas tree, everybody hangs balls on her.

a basketball hoop, everybody gets a shot.

Dominoes Pizza, one call does it all.

a hockey player, she only showers after three periods.

a bubble-gum machine... five cents a blow.

a T.V. set, even a three year old can turn her on!

a Toyota, "OOooh what a feeling!"

a carpenter's dream, flat as a board and easy to nail.

a Chinese restaurant, $4.95 all you can eat.

a bus: Guys climb on and off her all day long.

a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece.

the railway system, she gets laid all over the country!

a vaccuum cleaner.....a real good suck.

the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen.

cheap liquor, tastes like shit.

a door knob, everybody gets a turn.

a bowling ball, she gets picked up, fingered, thrown down the gutter, and she still l comes back for more.

Pizza Hut, if she isn't there in 30 minutes... it's free.

a fine restaurant, she only takes deliveries in the rear.

a nickel, she ain't worth a dime.

7-Eleven... open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy.

a TV, even a 2 year old could turn her on.

a telephone booth, open to the public, costs a quarter, and guys go in and out all day.

a refridgerator, everyone puts their meat in her.

the Pillsbury dough boy - everybody pokes her.

a vacuum cleaner... she sucks, blows, and then gets laid in the closet.

Bazooka Joe, 5 cents a blow.

a rifle... four cocks and she's loaded.

the Panama Canal, vessels full of seamen pass through her everyday.

a hardware store: 4 cents a screw!

a golf course, everyone GETS a hole in one!

McDonalds... over 5 billion served world wide.

lettuce, 25 cents a head.

speakers, loud, ugly, lives in a box, and you can turn her up, down, on, and off.

a championship ring, everybody puts a finger in her.

an ATM, open 24 hours.

potato chips-- Fri-to Lay

McDonalds... What you want is what you get.

a window, always open.

a bowling ball... round, heavy, and you can fit three fingers in.

a brick, dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans.

a bus, guys climb on and off her all day long.

Discover card, she gives cash back.

Humpty Dumpty... first she gets humped, then she gets dumped.

a microwave, one button and she's hot.

a dollar bill, she gets handled all across the country.

a squirrel, she's always got some nuts in her mouth.

a streetlamp, you can find her turned on at night on any street corner.

a gas station... you gotta pay before you pump.

chinese food: sweet, sour and cheap!

a postage stamp, you lick her, stick her, then send her away.

Sprint, 10 cents a minute anywhere in the country.

Denny's... open 24 hours.

a chicken coop, cocks fly in and out all day.


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YO MAMMA SO HAIRY >>

her breasts look like coconuts.

she's a stunt double for Chubaca in Star Wars.

she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.

she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.

she has afros on her nipples.

she's got afros on her nipples!

she shaved her ass and she disappeared.

you almost died of rug burn at birth.

she shaves with a weedwacker.

Bigfoot is taking her picture!

she got a trim and lost 10 pounds.

she spread her legs and said, "We're going to Busch Gardens."

if I shaved her legs, I could supply wigs for the entire Hair Club for Men.


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YO MOMA SO SLUTTY >>

when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented on her nice belt!

she had her own "Hands across her ass" charity drive

she could suck-start a Harley!

is so long, its growing all the way down to her dick.

she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!

she blind and seeing another man.

she was on the cover of wheaties, with her legs open, and it said "breakfast of the champs"

that I could've been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change.

that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she thought she was getting it three times.

I fucked her and I's a chick!


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YO MAMA SO BIG >>

that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"

she makes Pinochio look like a cat!

they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling.

when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.

her belly button's got an echo.

when she stands up the sun goes out

when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway.

she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.

she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.

she rollerskates on busses.

when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings!

she whistles bass. she uses bowling balls for earrings.

when you climb on top of her your ears pop.

you can go bowling with her boogers!

she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.


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YO MOMMA SO GREASY >>

she used bacon as a band-aid!

she sweats Crisco!

Texaco buys Oil from her


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YO MAMMA SO YELLOW >>

she spits butter!

traffic slows down when she smiles!


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YO MOMA SO LAZY >>

she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.


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YO MAMA SO SKINNY >>

she has to wear a belt with spandex.

she hula hoops with a cheerio

she turned sideways and dissapeared.


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YO MOMMA SO BALD >>

that she took a shower and got brain-washed.

even a wig wouldn't help!

you can see whats on her mind


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YO MAMMA SO TALL >>

she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.

she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.

she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.


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YO MOMA SO FLAT >>

she's jealous of the wall!


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YO MAMA GLASSES >>



she can see into the future.

that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.


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YO MOMMA HAS >>

10 fingers--all on the same hand.

one leg and a bicycle.

a 'fro with warning lights.

one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying.

a wooden afro with an "X" carved in the back.

so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.

one hand and a Clapper.

a glass eye with a fish in it.

green hair and thinks she's a tree.

a short arm and can't applaude.

4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.

an afro with a chin strap.



a short leg and walks in circles.


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YO MAMMA GOT >>

two wooden legs and one is one backward.



so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.

a metal afro with rusty sideburns.

a bald head with a part and sideburns.

three fingers and a banjo.

a wooden leg with branches.

so many freckles she looks like a hamburger!

a' afro, wit' a chin strap!!!!

a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.


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YO MOMA SO SMALL >>

she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.

that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.

you have to go outside to change your mind.


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YO MAMA SO DIRTY >>

she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.

roaches ride around on dune buggies!

she has to creep up on bathwater.


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YO MOMMA SO BIG >>

that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"

she makes Pinochio look like a cat!

they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling.

when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.

her belly button's got an echo.

when she stands up the sun goes out

when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway.

she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.

she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.

she rollerskates on busses.

when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings!

she whistles bass. she uses bowling balls for earrings.

when you climb on top of her your ears pop.

you can go bowling with her boogers!

she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.


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YO MAMA JOKES >>

YO MOMMA JOKES >>

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