Kabish.com :: Articles :: Yo Mama Jokes :: Lyrics :: Poems :: Recipes :: Coloring Pages :: Biorhythm :: Numerology :: Cyfer Blog :: Guitar Tabs
Yo Mama Jokes - You Momma Jokes - SO FAT - SO STUPID
Other Jokes: Blonde Practical Yo Mama Redneck Lawyer Little Johnny

YO MAMA JOKES >>

YO MOMMA JOKES >>

link this page


YO MAMA SO FAT >>

that her senior pictures had to be arial views!

she eats Wheat Thicks.

you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through

when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.

they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.

she was mistaken for God's bowling ball!

she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

they have to grease the bath tub to get her out

everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil

all of her clothes have to be custom made by a contractor.

when she wears a yellow raincoat, folks run after her yelling "TAXI"

she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.

when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!

we're in her right now

she don't take pictures, she takes posters

when she goes to a restaurant she gets and estimate

small objects tend to orbit her

she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.

she sells shade in the summer

she has to fly cargo class

she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!

when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

she has to iron her clothes in the driveway.

she hoola-hooped the super bowl.

the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale

when she went to the zoo, the elephants threw peanuts at her

we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.

even her clothes have stretch marks!

when she wears a Malcom X shirt, helicopters try to land on her

when she steps on the scale it says sorry we don't do livestock

she uses redwoods to pick her teeth

she could sell shade.

she has to iron her pants on the driveway

she has to put on lipstick with a paint-roller

God couldn't light Earth till she moved!

she has to buy two airline tickets.

she can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation.

when I said I wanted "Pigs in a blanket" she got back in bed.

her college graduation picture was an airial.

her belly button's got an echo

she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.

her favorite dress is a tent

when she sat on a rainbow, Skittle's fell out.

when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall. Yo Momma Jokes and Insults

at a restaurant when they give her the menu she replies " yes Please"

one day she was lifting up her rolls and a car fell out.

she broke her leg, and gravy poured out

her senior picture had to be an aerial view

she needs a building permit for her girdle

she wears a watch on each arm One for each time zone

she jumped in the air and got stuck.

when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too

a picture of her would fall off the wall

when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate


*****************

YO MOMMA SO DIRTY >>

she has to creep up on bathwater.

she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.

roaches ride around on dune buggies!


*****************

YO MAMMA SO STUPID >>

people jog around her for exercise

when she sits at the beach, Greenpeace tries to tow her back into the ocean

she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project.

when she saw the "NC-17 (Under 17 Not Admitted)" sign, she went home and got 16 friends

you have to dig for her IQ!

when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them

when she wears a yellow raincoat, folks run after her yelling "TAXI"

she tried to drop acid but the car battery fell on her foot.

the only thing attracted to her is gravity

she left home with high heels, she came back with flip-flops

the highway patrol made her wear "Caution Wide Turn"

the National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts

she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon

she's on both sides of the family

she sits on the TV and watches the sofa

she has her own zip code

she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out

when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends

she took a cup to see Juice.

she has to put on lipstick with a paint-roller

she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill.

cows graze by her for the shade

she's got shock absorbers on her toilet seat

when you get on top of her your ears pop

she invented a solar powered flashlight.

she ran out of gas leaving Texaco.

she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

she shows up on radar

she looks for the Sunday paper on Tuesdays

she has to fly cargo class

she could be the eighth continent

when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose

she got stabbed in a shoot out.

when she steps on a scale, it says "To be continued"

she asked you "What is the number for 911".

she broke her leg, and gravy poured out

she writes "Thank You" notes for her bills

when she saw a "Wrong Way" sign in her rearview mirror, she turned around.

she got on her knees to drink her "Nehi" peach drink.

she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors

she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

she has to wear a sock on each toe

she gave your uncle a blowjob 'cause he said it'd help his unemployment.

she only has one toe on each foot, but she bought a pair of flip flops

when she goes to the beach, the kids yell, "Free Willy"

when I asked her to buy me a color TV, she asked me what color

small objects tend to orbit her

when someone said "Take the trash out," she moved.

she thought she needed a token to get on soul train.

she ordered a cheese burger from McDonald's and said "Hold the cheese."

she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.



she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.

she sells shade in the summer

she sent me a fax with a stamp on it


*****************

YO MOMA SO UGLY >>

when she threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back

she took your dog to the Canine Show and won your dog came in second

they push her face into dough to make cookies.

her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

she could be the eighth continent

she uses a hula hoop to hold up her socks

she has to put on lipstick with a paint-roller

the highway patrol made her wear "Caution Wide Turn"

she puts on her belt with a boomerang

small objects tend to orbit her

when she steps on a scale, it says "To be continued"

when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

she invented glow-in-the-dark sunglasses /water-proof teabag/wheelchair with pedals

her belly button's got an echo

she stands up on an empty bus

when she goes to the beach, the kids yell, "Free Willy"

she has to iron her pants on the driveway

when she sits at the beach, Greenpeace tries to tow her back into the ocean



even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction

she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.

She has to use a VCR as a beeper

she got hit by a parked car

she broke her leg, and gravy poured out

she thought Taco Bell was a phone company in Mexico

they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints

she got on an airplane and only the wings took off

she left home with high heels, she came back with flip-flops

she stands in two time zones

they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!

when she steps on a scale, it reads "One at a time, please"

her baby pictures were taken by satellite

when she was born, her mom said, "What a treasure!"; and your dad replied, "Yeah, let's go bury it"

her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her

when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo

people jog around her for exercise

when I took her to the zoo, a guy at the door said, "Thanks for bringing her back"

she was Miss Arizona -- class battleship

the National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts

when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!

when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras

she sells shade in the summer

when she goes to a restaurant, she looks at a menu and goes, "Okay"

she shows up on radar

she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors

she broke into a furniture store and slept on the floor

she needed her ears pierced with a harpoon

she's on both sides of the family

when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose

they knew what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock!

she made an onion cry.

she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away the W's

they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.


*****************

YO MAMA SO OLD >>

and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything".

she ran track with dinosaurs.

she has Jesus' beeper number!

I told her to act her age and the bitch died.

she used to baby-sit Jesus.

she has an autographed bible.

her social security number is 1.

she used to baby-sit Yoda.

I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.

she has Adam & Eve's autographs.

she knew the Beetles when they were the New Kids on the Block.

she owes Moses a quarter.

her birth certificate says expired on it.

she owes Jesus a nickel.



when Moses split the red sea, she was on the other side fishing.

she squirts powdered milk out her nipples.

she has all the apostles in her black book.

she co-wrote the ten commandments.

the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment.

she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

she's got Jesus' beeper number.

she watches PBS.

she's got hieroglyphics on her driver's license.

she farts out mummy dust.

when God said "Let their be light", she flipped the switch.

her memory is in black and white.

when she was young rainbows were black and white.

she baby-sat for Jesus.

her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

she has a picture of Jesus in her yearbook.

she owes Jesus 3 bucks!

she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.

when she was in school there was no history class.

when god said "let there be light" she was there to flick the switch.

she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch'

she planted the first tree at Central Park.

her birthday expired.

she sat next to Jesus in third grade.

she's in Jesus's yearbook!

she was a waitress at the last supper.

she drove a chariot to high school.

the candles cost more than the birthday cake.

she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.

when she reads the bible she reminisces.

she has a Jesus Starter jacket.

she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.

she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

her birth-certificate expired.

Jurassic Park brought back memories.

when she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick.

she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.


*****************

YO MOMMA SO POOR >>

when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

she drives a peanut.

your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!

her face is on the front of a foodstamp.

she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!!!

she can't afford to pay attention!

she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.

she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.


*****************

YO MAMMA SO DARK >>

she went to night school and was marked absent!

that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.

she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.

she spits chocolate milk!


*****************

YO MOMA SO SHORT >>

she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

she can play handball on the curb.

she poses for trophies!

you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!

she does backflips under the bed.


*****************

YO MAMA SO NASTY >>

when she goes to a hair salon, she told the stylist to cut her hair and she opened up her shirt

she had sex with a woman and got pregnant.

she pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh

she breeds crabs.

she went swimming and made the Dead Sea.

she brings crabs to the beach

I called her up for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.

she went to a hair salon and told the stylist to cut her hair, then she opened up her blouse!!

she's got more clap than an auditorium.

she only changes her drawers once every 10000 miles.

she made Right Guard turn left.

when I went to yo house said whats for dinner, yo mama put her foot up on the table and said "Corn!"

that her shit is glad to escape.

she puts ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh.

she made speed stick slow down.



she has more crabs then Red Lobster.

when I went to yo house said whats for dinner, yo mama jumped up on the table, spread her legs, and said "crabs!"

a skunk smelled her ass and passed out.

the fishery be paying her to leave

they call her Norelco... Home of the triple head.

Ozzie Ozbourne refused to bite her head off

she bought her boyfriend kneepads for christmas.

she made right guard turn left.

she has to creep up on bathwater.

I talked to her over the computer and she gave me a virus.

She gotta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh!

her tits give sour milk.

she has a sign by her pussy that says: "Warning: May cause irritation, drowsiness, and a rash or breakouts."

her crabs use her tampon string as a bungee cord.

she made Speed Stick slow down.


*****************

YO MOMMA LIKE >>

a Toyota, "OOooh what a feeling!"

a gas station... you gotta pay before you pump.

a tomato source bottle, everyone gets a squeeze out of her!

a screen door, after a couple of bangs she loosens up.

cheap liquor, tastes like shit.

a bowling ball. She's picked up, fingered, and then thrown in the gutter.

McDonalds... over 5 billion served world wide.

a microwave, one button and she's hot.

a championship ring, everybody puts a finger in her.

a carpenter's dream, flat as a board and easy to nail.

Burger King... Your way, right away.

a telephone booth, open to the public, costs a quarter, and guys go in and out all day.

a shotgun: one cock and she blows!

a vaccuum cleaner.....a real good suck.

a screen door, after a couple bangs she tends to loosen up!

Denny's... open 24 hours.

a nickel, she ain't worth a dime.

a library, open to the public.

a light switch, even a little kid can turn her on.

the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen.

a streetlamp, you can find her turned on at night on any street corner.

a squirrel, she's always got some nuts in her mouth.

Dominoes Pizza, one call does it all.

a vacuum cleaner... she sucks, blows, and then gets laid in the closet.

a turtle, once she's on her back she's fucked.

a vacuum cleaner... a real good suck.

potato chips-- Fri-to Lay

an ice cream cone... everyone gets a lick.

a bubble-gum machine... five cents a blow.

a door knob, everybody gets a turn.

a brick, dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans.

cake mix, 15 servings per package!

a basketball hoop, everybody gets a shot.

a paper towel, she picks up all kinds of slimy wet stuff.

a bowling ball... round, heavy, and you can fit three fingers in.

a T.V. set, even a three year old can turn her on!

a rifle... four cocks and she's loaded.

a hockey player, she only showers after three periods.

a goalie: she changes her pads after three periods.

a race car driver, she burns a lot of rubbers.

a refridgerator: everyone likes to put their meat in her!

Domino's pizza-- Something for nothing

a bus, guys climb on and off her all day long.

a refridgerator, everyone puts their meat in her.

McDonalds... Billions and Billions served.

McDonalds... What you want is what you get.

Humpty Dumpty... first she gets humped, then she gets dumped.

mustard, she spreads easy.

Sprint, 10 cents a minute anywhere in the country.

a golf course, everyone GETS a hole in one!

the Pillsbury dough boy - everybody pokes her.

Dominoes Pizza, something for nothing.

a hardware store: 4 cents a screw!

chinese food: sweet, sour and cheap!

a TV, even a 2 year old could turn her on.


*****************

YO MAMMA SO HAIRY >>

she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.

she shaves with a weedwacker.

she's a stunt double for Chubaca in Star Wars.

you almost died of rug burn at birth.

she shaved her ass and she disappeared.

her breasts look like coconuts.

Bigfoot is taking her picture!

if I shaved her legs, I could supply wigs for the entire Hair Club for Men.

she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.

she spread her legs and said, "We're going to Busch Gardens."

she's got afros on her nipples!

she got a trim and lost 10 pounds.

she has afros on her nipples.


*****************

YO MOMA SO SLUTTY >>

when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented on her nice belt!

I fucked her and I's a chick!

she was on the cover of wheaties, with her legs open, and it said "breakfast of the champs"

she could suck-start a Harley!

that I could've been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change.

is so long, its growing all the way down to her dick.

that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she thought she was getting it three times.

she had her own "Hands across her ass" charity drive

she blind and seeing another man.

she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!


*****************

YO MAMA SO BIG >>

when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.

when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings!

they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling.

when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway.

she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.

she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.

when you climb on top of her your ears pop.

she makes Pinochio look like a cat!

she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.

she rollerskates on busses.

when she stands up the sun goes out

her belly button's got an echo.

she whistles bass. she uses bowling balls for earrings.

that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"

you can go bowling with her boogers!


*****************

YO MOMMA SO GREASY >>

Texaco buys Oil from her

she sweats Crisco!

she used bacon as a band-aid!


*****************

YO MAMMA SO YELLOW >>

traffic slows down when she smiles!

she spits butter!


*****************

YO MOMA SO LAZY >>

she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.


*****************

YO MAMA SO SKINNY >>

she turned sideways and dissapeared.

she has to wear a belt with spandex.

she hula hoops with a cheerio


*****************

YO MOMMA SO BALD >>

you can see whats on her mind

even a wig wouldn't help!

that she took a shower and got brain-washed.


*****************

YO MAMMA SO TALL >>

she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.

she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.

she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.


*****************

YO MOMA SO FLAT >>

she's jealous of the wall!


*****************

YO MAMA GLASSES >>

she can see into the future.



that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.


*****************

YO MOMMA HAS >>

a glass eye with a fish in it.

one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying.



4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.

a short leg and walks in circles.

a short arm and can't applaude.

one hand and a Clapper.

so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.

an afro with a chin strap.

a wooden afro with an "X" carved in the back.

a 'fro with warning lights.

one leg and a bicycle.

green hair and thinks she's a tree.

10 fingers--all on the same hand.


*****************

YO MAMMA GOT >>

so many freckles she looks like a hamburger!

a wooden leg with branches.

so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.

a metal afro with rusty sideburns.



three fingers and a banjo.

a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.

two wooden legs and one is one backward.

a' afro, wit' a chin strap!!!!

a bald head with a part and sideburns.


*****************

YO MOMA SO SMALL >>

you have to go outside to change your mind.

she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.

that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.


*****************

YO MAMA SO DIRTY >>

she has to creep up on bathwater.

she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.

roaches ride around on dune buggies!


*****************

YO MOMMA SO BIG >>

when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.

when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings!

they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling.

when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway.

she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.

she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.

when you climb on top of her your ears pop.

she makes Pinochio look like a cat!

she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.

she rollerskates on busses.

when she stands up the sun goes out

her belly button's got an echo.

she whistles bass. she uses bowling balls for earrings.

that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"

you can go bowling with her boogers!


*****************

YO MAMA JOKES >>

YO MOMMA JOKES >>

link this page

Submit a link - Feedback form - Privacy Policy
Copyright (c) 2002-2005 Kabish.com