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Yo Mama Jokes - You Momma Jokes - SO FAT - SO STUPID
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YO MOMMA JOKES >>

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YO MAMA SO FAT >>

the highway patrol made her wear "Caution Wide Turn"

she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.

she don't know whether she's walking or rolling.

she makes Free Willy look like a tic tac

she cant reach her back pocket

they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.

that she would have been in ET, but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse

when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!

when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up

she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.

when she wears a Malcom X shirt, helicopters try to land on her

when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station.

she shows up on radar

she was mistaken for God's bowling ball!

when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo

we're inside her right now.

when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.

when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"

she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water

when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.

she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.

when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall. Yo Momma Jokes and Insults

I have to roll her over twice to get her on her back

when you get on top of her your ears pop

the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures

she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.

when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!

she farted and put herself into an orbit

all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama"

she has her own zip code

NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!

she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!

all of her clothes have to be custom made by a contractor.

she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

they have to grease the bath tub to get her out

her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.

the animals at the zoo feed her.

her favorite dress is a tent

she stepped on a talking scale and it said @#**&^%

she can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation.

when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose

she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book

she broke her leg, and gravy poured out

she stands in two time zones

I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.

her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!

she fell in love and broke it

she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world

I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.

she got hit by a parked car!

she accidently got a 747 caught in her teeth

you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through

she has to buy two airline tickets.


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YO MOMMA SO DIRTY >>

roaches ride around on dune buggies!

she has to creep up on bathwater.

she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.


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YO MAMMA SO STUPID >>

when she saw the "NC-17 (Under 17 Not Admitted)" sign, she went home and got 16 friends

I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod.

she could be the eighth continent

her baby pictures were taken by satellite

when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too

she sold her car for gasoline money!

when she wears a yellow raincoat, folks run after her yelling "TAXI"

she got on an airplane and only the wings took off

she has to fly cargo class

when she wears a Malcom X shirt, helicopters try to land on her

she has her own zip code

she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.

she was Miss Arizona -- class battleship

when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo

she broke into a furniture store and slept on the floor

she wiped her ass before she took a shit.

when she steps on a scale, it says "I don't do livestock"

she got shot running the border after seeing a Taco Bell commercial.

she ran out of gas leaving Texaco.

she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project.

she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

she took a spoon to the superbowl.

when she steps on a scale, it says "To be continued"

she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company.

she used a vibrator for an egg beater.

when she bends over we lose an hour of daylight

when asked on an application, "Sex?", she marked, "M, F and sometimes Wednesday too."

she tried to drop acid but the car battery fell on her foot.

when you get on top of her your ears pop

she thought Taco Bell was a phone company in Mexico

when someone said "Take the trash out," she moved.

she left home with high heels, she came back with flip-flops

she has to put on lipstick with a paint-roller

she ordered a cheese burger from McDonald's and said "Hold the cheese."

the highway patrol made her wear "Caution Wide Turn"

she's on both sides of the family

the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale

she only has one toe on each foot, but she bought a pair of flip flops

she jumped out the window and went up.

when she sits at the beach, Greenpeace tries to tow her back into the ocean

she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

she took a cup to see Juice.

she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck

she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out

she wemt to Dr. Dre for a pap smear.

when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends

she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gumball to come out.

she uses a hula hoop to hold up her socks

she wears a watch on each arm One for each time zone

she stands up on an empty bus

she gave your uncle a blowjob 'cause he said it'd help his unemployment.

she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.

she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

she got locked in a grocery store and starved!


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YO MOMA SO UGLY >>

she puts on her belt with a boomerang

her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her

when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end

she uses a hula hoop to hold up her socks

even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction

she sent me a fax with a stamp on it

she stepped on a talking scale and it said @#**&^%

everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil

when she goes to a restaurant, she even orders the "Thank You, Come Again"

she sits on the TV and watches the sofa

they push her face into the dough to make gorilla cookies

when she steps on a scale, it says "I don't do livestock"

she needs to put a bookmark in her folds to find her belly button

she turned Medusa to stone!

when she was born, the doctor slapped her mother

your daddy takes her to work so he doesn't need to kiss her goodbye

when she goes to a restaurant, she looks at a menu and goes, "Okay"

she broke her leg, and gravy poured out

she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.

when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?"

when I took her to the zoo, a guy at the door said, "Thanks for bringing her back"

she's on both sides of the family

she bought a solar-powered flashlight

she has to wear a sock on each toe

that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.

when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo

she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away the W's

after she gets through turning around, they throw her a welcome back party

when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't do curtains"

when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose

for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

she cant tie her own shoes

she needs a building permit for her girdle

she looks for the Sunday paper on Tuesdays

they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through tunnel when they want to clean it

when she wears a Malcom X shirt, helicopters try to land on her

she could be the eighth continent

when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

the difference between her and Moby Dick is about three pounds

the prince would rather live as a frog than kiss her

when she gets up, the sun goes down

the psychiatrist makes her lie face-down

she has to fly cargo class

she broke into a furniture store and slept on the floor

when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras

her parents first named her "Accident"

when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up

they push her face into dough to make cookies.

small objects tend to orbit her

when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck

they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower

her senior picture had to be an aerial view

she got on an airplane and only the wings took off

when she bends over we lose an hour of daylight


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YO MAMA SO OLD >>

she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

she co-wrote the ten commandments.

when she reads the bible she reminisces.

she has all the apostles in her black book.

she has a picture of Jesus in her yearbook.

and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything".

when god said "let there be light" she was there to flick the switch.

when she was in school there was no history class.

she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.

the candles cost more than the birthday cake.



she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.

she's got hieroglyphics on her driver's license.

she watches PBS.

she's got Jesus' beeper number.

she planted the first tree at Central Park.

her social security number is 1.

she owes Moses a quarter.

she baby-sat for Jesus.

when she was young rainbows were black and white.

she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.

she used to baby-sit Jesus.

her birth certificate says expired on it.

she was a waitress at the last supper.

her birth-certificate expired.

she farts out mummy dust.

she owes Jesus 3 bucks!

she squirts powdered milk out her nipples.

she used to baby-sit Yoda.

when she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick.

when Moses split the red sea, she was on the other side fishing.

the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment.

she sat next to Jesus in third grade.

she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

she's in Jesus's yearbook!

I told her to act her age and the bitch died.

she ran track with dinosaurs.

she owes Jesus a nickel.

she drove a chariot to high school.

her memory is in black and white.

she has a Jesus Starter jacket.

when God said "Let their be light", she flipped the switch.

she knew the Beetles when they were the New Kids on the Block.

she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch'

she has Adam & Eve's autographs.

her birthday expired.

she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.

she has an autographed bible.

Jurassic Park brought back memories.

she has Jesus' beeper number!


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YO MOMMA SO POOR >>

when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.

she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

she can't afford to pay attention!

when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.

she drives a peanut.

her face is on the front of a foodstamp.

when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!!!

when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!

she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.


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YO MAMMA SO DARK >>

she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.

she went to night school and was marked absent!

she spits chocolate milk!

that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.


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YO MOMA SO SHORT >>

she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

she poses for trophies!

she does backflips under the bed.

she can play handball on the curb.

you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!


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YO MAMA SO NASTY >>

they call her Norelco... Home of the triple head.

her tits give sour milk.

when she goes to a hair salon, she told the stylist to cut her hair and she opened up her shirt

she made speed stick slow down.

her crabs use her tampon string as a bungee cord.

she puts ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh.

a skunk smelled her ass and passed out.

she has a sign by her pussy that says: "Warning: May cause irritation, drowsiness, and a rash or breakouts."

that her shit is glad to escape.

when I went to yo house said whats for dinner, yo mama jumped up on the table, spread her legs, and said "crabs!"

she's got more clap than an auditorium.

she made Speed Stick slow down.

I talked to her over the computer and she gave me a virus.

when I went to yo house said whats for dinner, yo mama put her foot up on the table and said "Corn!"

Ozzie Ozbourne refused to bite her head off

the fishery be paying her to leave

she has to creep up on bathwater.



she bought her boyfriend kneepads for christmas.

She gotta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh!

she brings crabs to the beach

she made Right Guard turn left.

she pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh

she went swimming and made the Dead Sea.

she only changes her drawers once every 10000 miles.

she made right guard turn left.

she had sex with a woman and got pregnant.

she breeds crabs.

she has more crabs then Red Lobster.

I called her up for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.

she went to a hair salon and told the stylist to cut her hair, then she opened up her blouse!!


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YO MOMMA LIKE >>

a carpenter's dream, flat as a board and easy to nail.

a nickel, she ain't worth a dime.

a basketball hoop, everybody gets a shot.

a screen door, after a couple bangs she tends to loosen up!

Pizza Hut, if she isn't there in 30 minutes... it's free.

a Toyota: "Oh what a feelin'!"



a door knob, everybody gets a turn.

a screen door, after a couple of bangs she loosens up.

a squirrel, she's always got some nuts in her mouth.

a T.V. set, even a three year old can turn her on!

a bus, fifty cents and she's ready to ride!

Dominoes Pizza, one call does it all.

a gas station... you gotta pay before you pump.

the pillbury doughboy - everyone gets a poke!

a bowling ball, she always winds up in the gutter.

7-Eleven... open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy.

a doorknob, everyone gets a turn!

a Chinese restaurant, $4.95 all you can eat.

a paper towel, she picks up all kinds of slimy wet stuff.

speakers, loud, ugly, lives in a box, and you can turn her up, down, on, and off.

a rifle... four cocks and she's loaded.

a race car driver, she burns a lot of rubbers.

Domino's pizza-- Something for nothing

a goalie: she changes her pads after three periods.

a bowling ball, she gets picked up, fingered, thrown down the gutter, and she still l comes back for more.

a streetlamp, you can find her turned on at night on any street corner.

a Christmas tree, everybody hangs balls on her.

a hockey player, she only showers after three periods.

a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece.

a vacuum cleaner... a real good suck.

a shotgun, one cock and she blows.

Burger King... Your way, right away.

Sprint, 10 cents a minute anywhere in the country.

a shotgun: one cock and she blows!

a tomato source bottle, everyone gets a squeeze out of her!

an ice cream cone... everyone gets a lick.

lettuce, 25 cents a head.

Orange Crush: "Good Vibrations!"

Dominoes Pizza, something for nothing.

a telephone booth, open to the public, costs a quarter, and guys go in and out all day.

a bubble-gum machine... five cents a blow.

Humpty Dumpty... first she gets humped, then she gets dumped.

chinese food: sweet, sour and cheap!

a hardware store: 4 cents a screw!

a TV, even a 2 year old could turn her on.

the Panama Canal, vessels full of seamen pass through her everyday.

a light switch, even a little kid can turn her on.

a bubble gum machine, 5 cents a blow.

McDonalds... What you want is what you get.

a championship ring, everybody puts a finger in her.

Denny's... open 24 hours.

a refridgerator, everyone puts their meat in her.

a 5 foot tall basketball hoop, it ain't that hard to score.

a postage stamp, you lick her, stick her, then send her away.


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YO MAMMA SO HAIRY >>

Bigfoot is taking her picture!

you almost died of rug burn at birth.

her breasts look like coconuts.

she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.

she has afros on her nipples.

she's got afros on her nipples!

she spread her legs and said, "We're going to Busch Gardens."

she shaves with a weedwacker.

she got a trim and lost 10 pounds.

she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.

she's a stunt double for Chubaca in Star Wars.

she shaved her ass and she disappeared.

if I shaved her legs, I could supply wigs for the entire Hair Club for Men.


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YO MOMA SO SLUTTY >>

when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented on her nice belt!

that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she thought she was getting it three times.

she blind and seeing another man.

I fucked her and I's a chick!

that I could've been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change.

is so long, its growing all the way down to her dick.

she could suck-start a Harley!

she had her own "Hands across her ass" charity drive

she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!

she was on the cover of wheaties, with her legs open, and it said "breakfast of the champs"


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YO MAMA SO BIG >>

you can go bowling with her boogers!

when you climb on top of her your ears pop.

she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.

her belly button's got an echo.

she rollerskates on busses.

when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway.

she makes Pinochio look like a cat!

that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"

when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings!

when she stands up the sun goes out

they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling.

she whistles bass. she uses bowling balls for earrings.

she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.

when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.

she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.


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YO MOMMA SO GREASY >>

Texaco buys Oil from her

she used bacon as a band-aid!

she sweats Crisco!


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YO MAMMA SO YELLOW >>

traffic slows down when she smiles!

she spits butter!


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YO MOMA SO LAZY >>

she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.


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YO MAMA SO SKINNY >>

she turned sideways and dissapeared.

she hula hoops with a cheerio

she has to wear a belt with spandex.


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YO MOMMA SO BALD >>

you can see whats on her mind

that she took a shower and got brain-washed.

even a wig wouldn't help!


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YO MAMMA SO TALL >>

she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.

she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.

she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.


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YO MOMA SO FLAT >>

she's jealous of the wall!


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YO MAMA GLASSES >>

she can see into the future.



that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.


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YO MOMMA HAS >>



an afro with a chin strap.

a wooden afro with an "X" carved in the back.

4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.

a short leg and walks in circles.

a 'fro with warning lights.

one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying.

10 fingers--all on the same hand.

one hand and a Clapper.

a short arm and can't applaude.

so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.

one leg and a bicycle.

a glass eye with a fish in it.

green hair and thinks she's a tree.


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YO MAMMA GOT >>

so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.



a' afro, wit' a chin strap!!!!

two wooden legs and one is one backward.

so many freckles she looks like a hamburger!

a metal afro with rusty sideburns.

a bald head with a part and sideburns.

a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.

a wooden leg with branches.

three fingers and a banjo.


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YO MOMA SO SMALL >>

she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.

that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.

you have to go outside to change your mind.


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YO MAMA SO DIRTY >>

roaches ride around on dune buggies!

she has to creep up on bathwater.

she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.


*****************

YO MOMMA SO BIG >>

you can go bowling with her boogers!

when you climb on top of her your ears pop.

she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.

her belly button's got an echo.

she rollerskates on busses.

when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway.

she makes Pinochio look like a cat!

that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"

when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings!

when she stands up the sun goes out

they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling.

she whistles bass. she uses bowling balls for earrings.

she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.

when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.

she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.


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YO MAMA JOKES >>

YO MOMMA JOKES >>

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