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Yo Mama Jokes - You Momma Jokes - SO FAT - SO STUPID
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YO MAMA JOKES >>

YO MOMMA JOKES >>

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YO MAMA SO FAT >>

she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!

she has to use a VCR as a beeper!

she wears a watch on each arm One for each time zone

she's got Amtrak written on her leg.

she makes Free Willy look like a tic tac

when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station.

they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping

she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water

her picture takes two frames.

she's got her own area code!

the animals at the zoo feed her.

the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures

she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.

when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck

when she wears a yellow raincoat, folks run after her yelling "TAXI"

her favorite dress is a tent

NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!

instead of wide leg jeans, she wears wide load.

when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...

she sells shade in the summer

when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 5 years to live.

she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.

she stepped on a talking scale and it said @#**&^%

she stands in two time zones

when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

when she went to the zoo, the elephants threw peanuts at her

they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.

she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.

when she goes to a restaurant she gets and estimate

her car is made of spandex.

that her senior pictures had to be arial views!

when she works at the movie theatre, she works as the screen.

they have to grease the bath tub to get her out

when she steps on a scale, it says "To be continued"

her senior picture had to be an aerial view

if she were an aeroplane, she'd be a jumbo jet.

when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"

she broke her leg and gravy fell out.

she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck.

that she cant tie her own shoes.

when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!

she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out

sets off car alarms when she runs.

I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.

when she steps on the scale it says one at a time please

she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!

the horse on her Polo shirt is real.

she went to the movies and sat next to everyone

at a restaurant when they give her the menu she replies " yes Please"

she accidently got a 747 caught in her teeth

the highway patrol made her wear "Caution Wide Turn"

when you get on top of her your ears pop

when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate

she was baptised in the ocean.


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YO MOMMA SO DIRTY >>

she has to creep up on bathwater.

she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.

roaches ride around on dune buggies!


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YO MAMMA SO STUPID >>

she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.

she needed a tutor to learn how to scribble.

she thought meow mix was a record for cats.

the difference between her and Moby Dick is about three pounds

she took a spoon to the superbowl.

she thought Thiland was a men's clothing store.

she called the 7-11 to see when they closed.

she got stabbed in a shoot out.

when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them

she put your puppy in the oven to make a hot dog

she got on her knees to drink her "Nehi" peach drink.

that she would have been in ET, but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse

she left home with high heels, she came back with flip-flops

she sells shade in the summer

she thought hamburger helper came with another person.

when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."

she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gumball to come out.

she ordered a cheese burger from McDonald's and said "Hold the cheese."

when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose

the phone company gave her two area codes

she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away the W's

she fell and made the Grand Canyon

she got hit by a parked car

she thought the board of education was a piece of wood.

she stands up on an empty bus

when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun

when someone said "Take the trash out," she moved.

the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale

she accidently got a 747 caught in her teeth

she sold the house to pay the mortgage.

that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

she invented glow-in-the-dark sunglasses /water-proof teabag/wheelchair with pedals

I have to roll her over twice to get her on her back

she's on both sides of the family

She has to use a VCR as a beeper

a picture of her would fall off the wall

she looks for the Sunday paper on Tuesdays

she has her own zip code

she put lipstick on her forehead, talking about she was trying to makeup her mind.

when she steps on a scale, it says "To be continued"

when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends

when she steps on a scale, it reads "One at a time, please"

even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction

cows graze by her for the shade

she stepped on a talking scale and it said @#**&^%

that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

she wiped her ass before she took a shit.

she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us

the only thing attracted to her is gravity

she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.

people jog around her for exercise

when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo

she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas

she tried to drop acid but the car battery fell on her foot.


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YO MOMA SO UGLY >>

when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't do curtains"

she had to get her baby drunk to breastfeed it!

the only thing attracted to her is gravity

the prince would rather live as a frog than kiss her

they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

she fell in love and broke it

people go as her for Halloween.

when she was born, her mom said, "What a treasure!"; and your dad replied, "Yeah, let's go bury it"

she put your puppy in the oven to make a hot dog

when you get on top of her your ears pop

when she steps on a scale, it says "To be continued"

if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects!

even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction

when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?"

when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up

she don't take pictures, she takes posters

she has to fly cargo class

she scares the roaches away.

she has to iron her pants on the driveway

that she would have been in ET, but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse

she cant reach her back pocket

the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs

when she goes to the beach, the kids yell, "Free Willy"

she shows up on radar

I strangled her with a cordless phone

when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas

when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo

she has to wear a sock on each toe

when she saw the "NC-17 (Under 17 Not Admitted)" sign, she went home and got 16 friends

she got hit by a parked car

she broke her leg, and gravy poured out

when she went to the zoo, the elephants threw peanuts at her

when she was born, they put her in an incubator with tinted windows

she has to put on lipstick with a paint-roller

she writes "Thank You" notes for her bills

she went to a 24-hr store and asked what time they closed

she sent me a fax with a stamp on it

when she sits at the beach, Greenpeace tries to tow her back into the ocean

her baby pictures were taken by satellite

she bought a solar-powered flashlight

they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

she was Miss Arizona -- class battleship

she needs a building permit for her girdle

she makes blind kids cry

she wears a watch on each arm One for each time zone

when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose

just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

she's got shock absorbers on her toilet seat

after she gets through turning around, they throw her a welcome back party

she farted and put herself into an orbit

she broke into a furniture store and slept on the floor

they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints

she got on an airplane and only the wings took off

they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through tunnel when they want to clean it


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YO MAMA SO OLD >>

she has Jesus' beeper number!

she used to baby-sit Yoda.

she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

she has Adam & Eve's autographs.

she baby-sat for Jesus.

she's got hieroglyphics on her driver's license.

when she was young rainbows were black and white.

she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.

her social security number is 1.

she knew the Beetles when they were the New Kids on the Block.

the candles cost more than the birthday cake.

she co-wrote the ten commandments.

and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything".

her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

she planted the first tree at Central Park.

she squirts powdered milk out her nipples.

she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.

her birth certificate says expired on it.

she owes Jesus a nickel.

when Moses split the red sea, she was on the other side fishing.

she has a picture of Jesus in her yearbook.

that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch'

she owes Jesus 3 bucks!

she's got Jesus' beeper number.

she drove a chariot to high school.

she used to baby-sit Jesus.

she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment.

her birth-certificate expired.

she sat next to Jesus in third grade.

she farts out mummy dust.

her memory is in black and white.

when god said "let there be light" she was there to flick the switch.

she has all the apostles in her black book.

when she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick.

she was a waitress at the last supper.

her birthday expired.

I told her to act her age and the bitch died.

she has an autographed bible.

when she was in school there was no history class.

she has a Jesus Starter jacket.

she watches PBS.

she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.

she owes Moses a quarter.

when she reads the bible she reminisces.

when God said "Let their be light", she flipped the switch.

Jurassic Park brought back memories.



she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.

she's in Jesus's yearbook!

she ran track with dinosaurs.


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YO MOMMA SO POOR >>

she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.

her face is on the front of a foodstamp.

she can't afford to pay attention!

when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!

when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.

she drives a peanut.

when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!!!

when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."


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YO MAMMA SO DARK >>

she spits chocolate milk!

that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.

she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.

she went to night school and was marked absent!


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YO MOMA SO SHORT >>

she poses for trophies!

you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!

she can play handball on the curb.

she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

she does backflips under the bed.


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YO MAMA SO NASTY >>

she only changes her drawers once every 10000 miles.

she made speed stick slow down.

she made right guard turn left.

she has more crabs then Red Lobster.

She gotta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh!

when I went to yo house said whats for dinner, yo mama jumped up on the table, spread her legs, and said "crabs!"

she made Right Guard turn left.

I called her up for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.

the fishery be paying her to leave

she breeds crabs.

she brings crabs to the beach

she made Speed Stick slow down.

a skunk smelled her ass and passed out.

they call her Norelco... Home of the triple head.

she pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh

her tits give sour milk.

she went to a hair salon and told the stylist to cut her hair, then she opened up her blouse!!

Ozzie Ozbourne refused to bite her head off

she's got more clap than an auditorium.

she puts ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh.

she has to creep up on bathwater.

she had sex with a woman and got pregnant.

that her shit is glad to escape.

her crabs use her tampon string as a bungee cord.

I talked to her over the computer and she gave me a virus.

she went swimming and made the Dead Sea.



she bought her boyfriend kneepads for christmas.

when she goes to a hair salon, she told the stylist to cut her hair and she opened up her shirt

she has a sign by her pussy that says: "Warning: May cause irritation, drowsiness, and a rash or breakouts."

when I went to yo house said whats for dinner, yo mama put her foot up on the table and said "Corn!"


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YO MOMMA LIKE >>

a bowling ball... round, heavy, and you can fit three fingers in.

a light switch, even a little kid can turn her on.

a hockey player, she only showers after three periods.

a bus, guys climb on and off her all day long.

chinese food: sweet, sour and cheap!

a refridgerator: everyone likes to put their meat in her!

a race car driver, she burns a lot of rubbers.

Sprint, 10 cents a minute anywhere in the country.

the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen.

McDonalds... over 5 billion served world wide.

a telephone, even a 3 year old can pick her up.

a tomato source bottle, everyone gets a squeeze out of her!

a carpenter's dream, flat as a board and easy to nail.

a golf course, everyone GETS a hole in one!

Domino's pizza-- Something for nothing

a Chinese restaurant, $4.95 all you can eat.

an ice cream cone... everyone gets a lick.

Dominoes Pizza, one call does it all.

Denny's... open 24 hours.

a microwave, one button and she's hot.

a T.V. set, even a three year old can turn her on!

Discover card, she gives cash back.

a Christmas tree, everybody hangs balls on her.

a hardware store: 4 cents a screw!

7-Eleven... open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy.

a screen door, after a couple bangs she tends to loosen up!

Orange Crush: "Good Vibrations!"

the pillbury doughboy - everyone gets a poke!

Burger King... Your way, right away.

Dominoes Pizza, something for nothing.

a vaccuum cleaner.....a real good suck.

a bus, fifty cents and she's ready to ride!

mustard, she spreads easy.

a postage stamp, you lick her, stick her, then send her away.

a brick, dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans.

a bus: Guys climb on and off her all day long.

a nickel, she ain't worth a dime.

a screen door, after a couple of bangs she loosens up.

a dollar bill, she gets handled all across the country.

a championship ring, everybody puts a finger in her.

a paper towel, she picks up all kinds of slimy wet stuff.



a telephone booth, open to the public, costs a quarter, and guys go in and out all day.

Humpty Dumpty... first she gets humped, then she gets dumped.

speakers, loud, ugly, lives in a box, and you can turn her up, down, on, and off.

the railway system, she gets laid all over the country!

a bowling ball, she always winds up in the gutter.

an ATM, open 24 hours.

a door knob, everybody gets a turn.

a goalie: she changes her pads after three periods.

a bag of potato chips, "Free-To-Lay."

a shotgun, one cock and she blows.

a railroad track, she gets laid all over the country.

a hardware store, 25 cents a screw.

a 5 foot tall basketball hoop, it ain't that hard to score.


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YO MAMMA SO HAIRY >>

she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.

you almost died of rug burn at birth.

she's got afros on her nipples!

she has afros on her nipples.

she's a stunt double for Chubaca in Star Wars.

if I shaved her legs, I could supply wigs for the entire Hair Club for Men.

she shaves with a weedwacker.

her breasts look like coconuts.

she got a trim and lost 10 pounds.

she shaved her ass and she disappeared.

Bigfoot is taking her picture!

she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.

she spread her legs and said, "We're going to Busch Gardens."


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YO MOMA SO SLUTTY >>

she had her own "Hands across her ass" charity drive

she was on the cover of wheaties, with her legs open, and it said "breakfast of the champs"

when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented on her nice belt!

she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!

she blind and seeing another man.

I fucked her and I's a chick!

that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she thought she was getting it three times.

is so long, its growing all the way down to her dick.

that I could've been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change.

she could suck-start a Harley!


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YO MAMA SO BIG >>

when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings!

they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling.

she rollerskates on busses.

her belly button's got an echo.

that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"

she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.

she whistles bass. she uses bowling balls for earrings.

she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.

when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway.

you can go bowling with her boogers!

when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.

when she stands up the sun goes out

she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.

she makes Pinochio look like a cat!

when you climb on top of her your ears pop.


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YO MOMMA SO GREASY >>

she sweats Crisco!

Texaco buys Oil from her

she used bacon as a band-aid!


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YO MAMMA SO YELLOW >>

she spits butter!

traffic slows down when she smiles!


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YO MOMA SO LAZY >>

she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.


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YO MAMA SO SKINNY >>

she turned sideways and dissapeared.

she hula hoops with a cheerio

she has to wear a belt with spandex.


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YO MOMMA SO BALD >>

even a wig wouldn't help!

that she took a shower and got brain-washed.

you can see whats on her mind


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YO MAMMA SO TALL >>

she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.

she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.

she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.


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YO MOMA SO FLAT >>

she's jealous of the wall!


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YO MAMA GLASSES >>

she can see into the future.



that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.


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YO MOMMA HAS >>

green hair and thinks she's a tree.

a 'fro with warning lights.



10 fingers--all on the same hand.

a short arm and can't applaude.

one leg and a bicycle.

one hand and a Clapper.

a wooden afro with an "X" carved in the back.

so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.

an afro with a chin strap.

a short leg and walks in circles.

a glass eye with a fish in it.

4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.

one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying.


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YO MAMMA GOT >>

a metal afro with rusty sideburns.

a bald head with a part and sideburns.

a' afro, wit' a chin strap!!!!



three fingers and a banjo.

so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.

a wooden leg with branches.

two wooden legs and one is one backward.

a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.

so many freckles she looks like a hamburger!


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YO MOMA SO SMALL >>

you have to go outside to change your mind.

she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.

that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.


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YO MAMA SO DIRTY >>

she has to creep up on bathwater.

she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.

roaches ride around on dune buggies!


*****************

YO MOMMA SO BIG >>

when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings!

they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling.

she rollerskates on busses.

her belly button's got an echo.

that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"

she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.

she whistles bass. she uses bowling balls for earrings.

she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.

when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway.

you can go bowling with her boogers!

when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.

when she stands up the sun goes out

she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.

she makes Pinochio look like a cat!

when you climb on top of her your ears pop.


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YO MAMA JOKES >>

YO MOMMA JOKES >>

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