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Yo Mama Jokes - You Momma Jokes - SO FAT - SO STUPID
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YO MAMA JOKES >>

YO MOMMA JOKES >>

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YO MAMA SO FAT >>

the phone company gave her two area codes

when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo

she has to iron her pants on the driveway

the highway patrol made her wear "Caution Wide Turn"

she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets

she could sell shade.

when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.

she uses a hula hoop to hold up her socks

she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon

she wakes up in sections

she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out

that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, the bitch caused an eclipse.

the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale

and you're so poor, when she comes in your house the tires pop.

she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's nose.

she went to the movies and sat next to everyone

she wears a watch on each arm One for each time zone

the difference between her and Moby Dick is about three pounds

sets off car alarms when she runs.

that she cant tie her own shoes.

she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!

she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors

she stepped on a talking scale and it said @#**&^%

she's 36-24-36... but that's her forearm, neck, and thigh!

when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

she fell and made the Grand Canyon

her baby pictures were taken by satellite

that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean.....

when she steps on a scale, it reads "One at a time, please"

when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate

at a restaurant when they give her the menu she replies " yes Please"

when we played hide and seek I spotted her behind the Himalayas

her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!

she has to wear a sock on each toe

Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.

when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th

when she hauls ass, she has friends come help.

instead of Levis 501 jeans, she wears Levi's 1002's.

she don't take pictures, she takes posters

when she farts the whole planet came out.

she can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation.

she got to iron her pants on the driveway!

she got on an airplane and only the wings took off

her nickname is "DAMN"

she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!

she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.

they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping

when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun

when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

a picture of her fell off the wall!

she shows up on radar

she broke her leg, and gravy poured out

she needs to put a bookmark in her folds to find her belly button

when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.


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YO MOMMA SO DIRTY >>

she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.

roaches ride around on dune buggies!

she has to creep up on bathwater.


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YO MAMMA SO STUPID >>

the difference between her and Moby Dick is about three pounds

she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.

she's on both sides of the family

she needs a building permit for her girdle

when someone said "Take the trash out," she moved.

when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate

she shows up on radar

she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.

she writes "Thank You" notes for her bills

she needed her ears pierced with a harpoon

she ran out of gas leaving Texaco.

she was Miss Arizona -- class battleship

she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project.

she sold the house to pay the mortgage.

that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind

she sits on the TV and watches the sofa

she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

she looks for the Sunday paper on Tuesdays

she cant reach her back pocket

she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

she thinks a quarterback is a refund!

she used a vibrator for an egg beater.

she fell and made the Grand Canyon

I have to roll her over twice to get her on her back

she sells shade in the summer

small objects tend to orbit her

she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.

when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose

I strangled her with a cordless phone

cows graze by her for the shade

that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics."

when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas

she bought a solar-powered flashlight

she wears a watch on each arm One for each time zone

when she went to the zoo, the elephants threw peanuts at her

she got on her knees to drink her "Nehi" peach drink.

she thought meow mix was a record for cats.

she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.

she thought asphalt was a skin disease. she thought Delt a Airlines was a sorority.

she wakes up in sections

a picture of her would fall off the wall

that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

she wiped her ass before she took a shit.

she uses a hula hoop to hold up her socks

she took a spoon to the superbowl.

she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out

she thought Taco Bell was a phone company in Mexico

she ordered her sushi well done.

she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us

she asked me what kind of jeans I had on, I said "Guess", and she said "uh, Levi's?"

she could trip over a cordless phone!

she invented glow-in-the-dark sunglasses /water-proof teabag/wheelchair with pedals

she farted and put herself into an orbit

she has her own zip code

she thought Thiland was a men's clothing store.


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YO MOMA SO UGLY >>

your daddy takes her to work so he doesn't need to kiss her goodbye

she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us

she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

people go as her for Halloween.

she cant tie her own shoes

the psychiatrist makes her lie face-down

she got on an airplane and only the wings took off

she had to get her baby drunk to breastfeed it!

the government moved Halloween to her birthday

She has to use a VCR as a beeper

when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!

she got hit by a parked car

when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't do curtains"

when she sits in front of the "Hollywood" sign, you can only see the "H" and the "D"

she turned Medusa to stone!

she's on both sides of the family

when she goes to a restaurant, she even orders the "Thank You, Come Again"

she scares the roaches away.

she went to a 24-hr store and asked what time they closed

when she goes to a restaurant, she looks at a menu and goes, "Okay"

they knew what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock!

when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?"

when she goes to the beach, the kids yell, "Free Willy"

when she wears a yellow raincoat, folks run after her yelling "TAXI"

the prince would rather live as a frog than kiss her

when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras

just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through tunnel when they want to clean it

that she would have been in ET, but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse

she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon

when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate

when she was born, they put her in an incubator with tinted windows

she took your dog to the Canine Show and won your dog came in second

for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

she fell in love and broke it

when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo

she broke into a furniture store and slept on the floor

she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out

she has to wear a sock on each toe

the NHL banned her for life

she uses a hula hoop to hold up her socks

she sits on the TV and watches the sofa

even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction

she shows up on radar

her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her

her senior picture had to be an aerial view

she needs to put a bookmark in her folds to find her belly button

her parents first named her "Accident"

I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

she influences the tides

they have to grease the bath tub to get her out

when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas

she puts on her belt with a boomerang

she has to put on lipstick with a paint-roller


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YO MAMA SO OLD >>

when god said "let there be light" she was there to flick the switch.

she owes Jesus 3 bucks!

and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything".

she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.

she was a waitress at the last supper.

when she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick.

she sat next to Jesus in third grade.

I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.

she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

she planted the first tree at Central Park.

the candles cost more than the birthday cake.

her social security number is 1.

when God said "Let their be light", she flipped the switch.

when Moses split the red sea, she was on the other side fishing.

she owes Jesus a nickel.

she's got Jesus' beeper number.

she has a picture of Jesus in her yearbook.

she owes Moses a quarter.

she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment.

she co-wrote the ten commandments.

she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.

she ran track with dinosaurs.

she has all the apostles in her black book.

I told her to act her age and the bitch died.

she has an autographed bible.

her birth certificate says expired on it.

she's in Jesus's yearbook!

she has a Jesus Starter jacket.

Jurassic Park brought back memories.

she watches PBS.

she used to baby-sit Jesus.

when she reads the bible she reminisces.



when she was in school there was no history class.

she drove a chariot to high school.

that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch'

her birthday expired.

she knew the Beetles when they were the New Kids on the Block.

her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

she's got hieroglyphics on her driver's license.

she has Jesus' beeper number!

when she was young rainbows were black and white.

she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.

she used to baby-sit Yoda.

she baby-sat for Jesus.

she farts out mummy dust.

she squirts powdered milk out her nipples.

her birth-certificate expired.

she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

she has Adam & Eve's autographs.

her memory is in black and white.


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YO MOMMA SO POOR >>

your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!

she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.

she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.

her face is on the front of a foodstamp.

she can't afford to pay attention!

she drives a peanut.

when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!!!

when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."


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YO MAMMA SO DARK >>

she went to night school and was marked absent!

that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.

she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.

she spits chocolate milk!


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YO MOMA SO SHORT >>

she poses for trophies!

she can play handball on the curb.

she does backflips under the bed.

she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!


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YO MAMA SO NASTY >>

I talked to her over the computer and she gave me a virus.

she breeds crabs.

she has a sign by her pussy that says: "Warning: May cause irritation, drowsiness, and a rash or breakouts."

she has to creep up on bathwater.

when I went to yo house said whats for dinner, yo mama put her foot up on the table and said "Corn!"

She gotta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh!

she has more crabs then Red Lobster.

she brings crabs to the beach

the fishery be paying her to leave

her crabs use her tampon string as a bungee cord.

she went swimming and made the Dead Sea.

that her shit is glad to escape.

she had sex with a woman and got pregnant.

her tits give sour milk.



she's got more clap than an auditorium.

she pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh

she bought her boyfriend kneepads for christmas.

when she goes to a hair salon, she told the stylist to cut her hair and she opened up her shirt

she only changes her drawers once every 10000 miles.

a skunk smelled her ass and passed out.

she made Speed Stick slow down.

Ozzie Ozbourne refused to bite her head off

she puts ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh.

I called her up for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.

she made right guard turn left.

they call her Norelco... Home of the triple head.

she went to a hair salon and told the stylist to cut her hair, then she opened up her blouse!!

when I went to yo house said whats for dinner, yo mama jumped up on the table, spread her legs, and said "crabs!"

she made speed stick slow down.

she made Right Guard turn left.


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YO MOMMA LIKE >>

a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece.

a squirrel, she's always got some nuts in her mouth.

a nickel, she ain't worth a dime.

an ATM, open 24 hours.

a carpenter's dream, flat as a board and easy to nail.

Humpty Dumpty... first she gets humped, then she gets dumped.

speakers, loud, ugly, lives in a box, and you can turn her up, down, on, and off.

a hockey player, she only showers after three periods.

Dominoes Pizza, one call does it all.

a refridgerator, everyone puts their meat in her.

the Panama Canal, vessels full of seamen pass through her everyday.

lettuce, 25 cents a head.

a window, always open.

a vaccuum cleaner.....a real good suck.

a refridgerator: everyone likes to put their meat in her!

the railway system, she gets laid all over the country!

the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen.

a Toyota: "Oh what a feelin'!"

Burger King... Your way, right away.

a microwave, one button and she's hot.

a bubble gum machine, 5 cents a blow.

a Christmas tree, everybody hangs balls on her.

cheap liquor, tastes like shit.

the Pillsbury dough boy - everybody pokes her.

a golf course, everyone GETS a hole in one!

a bowling ball. She's picked up, fingered, and then thrown in the gutter.

a TV, even a 2 year old could turn her on.

a screen door, after a couple bangs she tends to loosen up!

a championship ring, everybody puts a finger in her.

a hardware store: 4 cents a screw!

7-Eleven... open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy.

a tomato source bottle, everyone gets a squeeze out of her!

a shotgun: one cock and she blows!

a mail box, open day and night.

cake mix, 15 servings per package!

a T.V. set, even a three year old can turn her on!

a dollar bill, she gets handled all across the country.

Dominoes Pizza, something for nothing.

a Toyota, "OOooh what a feeling!"

a doorknob, everyone gets a turn!

Pizza Hut, if she isn't there in 30 minutes... it's free.

mustard, she spreads easy.

Orange Crush: "Good Vibrations!"

McDonalds... over 5 billion served world wide.

a vacuum cleaner... she sucks, blows, and then gets laid in the closet.

a bus, guys climb on and off her all day long.

an ice cream cone... everyone gets a lick.

a bowling ball... round, heavy, and you can fit three fingers in.

a door knob, everybody gets a turn.

a bag of potato chips, "Free-To-Lay."

a screen door, after a couple of bangs she loosens up.

potato chips-- Fri-to Lay

a basketball hoop, everybody gets a shot.

a 5 foot tall basketball hoop, it ain't that hard to score.

a telephone, even a 3 year old can pick her up.


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YO MAMMA SO HAIRY >>

her breasts look like coconuts.

she's got afros on her nipples!

she spread her legs and said, "We're going to Busch Gardens."

she has afros on her nipples.

if I shaved her legs, I could supply wigs for the entire Hair Club for Men.

she shaved her ass and she disappeared.

Bigfoot is taking her picture!

she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.

you almost died of rug burn at birth.

she shaves with a weedwacker.

she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.

she's a stunt double for Chubaca in Star Wars.

she got a trim and lost 10 pounds.


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YO MOMA SO SLUTTY >>

she was on the cover of wheaties, with her legs open, and it said "breakfast of the champs"

is so long, its growing all the way down to her dick.

she could suck-start a Harley!

I fucked her and I's a chick!

she had her own "Hands across her ass" charity drive

that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she thought she was getting it three times.

that I could've been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change.

she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!

when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented on her nice belt!

she blind and seeing another man.


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YO MAMA SO BIG >>

she rollerskates on busses.

when she stands up the sun goes out

she makes Pinochio look like a cat!

they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling.

when you climb on top of her your ears pop.

she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.

she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.

you can go bowling with her boogers!

that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"

she whistles bass. she uses bowling balls for earrings.

when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings!

her belly button's got an echo.

when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway.

she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.

when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.


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YO MOMMA SO GREASY >>

Texaco buys Oil from her

she sweats Crisco!

she used bacon as a band-aid!


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YO MAMMA SO YELLOW >>

traffic slows down when she smiles!

she spits butter!


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YO MOMA SO LAZY >>

she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.


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YO MAMA SO SKINNY >>

she has to wear a belt with spandex.

she turned sideways and dissapeared.

she hula hoops with a cheerio


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YO MOMMA SO BALD >>

even a wig wouldn't help!

that she took a shower and got brain-washed.

you can see whats on her mind


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YO MAMMA SO TALL >>

she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.

she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.

she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.


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YO MOMA SO FLAT >>

she's jealous of the wall!


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YO MAMA GLASSES >>



she can see into the future.

that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.


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YO MOMMA HAS >>

one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying.

green hair and thinks she's a tree.

a glass eye with a fish in it.

a short leg and walks in circles.

one hand and a Clapper.

so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.

a 'fro with warning lights.

4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.



a short arm and can't applaude.

a wooden afro with an "X" carved in the back.

10 fingers--all on the same hand.

one leg and a bicycle.

an afro with a chin strap.


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YO MAMMA GOT >>

so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.

a bald head with a part and sideburns.

a' afro, wit' a chin strap!!!!

so many freckles she looks like a hamburger!



three fingers and a banjo.

a metal afro with rusty sideburns.

two wooden legs and one is one backward.

a wooden leg with branches.

a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.


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YO MOMA SO SMALL >>

that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.

she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.

you have to go outside to change your mind.


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YO MAMA SO DIRTY >>

she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.

roaches ride around on dune buggies!

she has to creep up on bathwater.


*****************

YO MOMMA SO BIG >>

she rollerskates on busses.

when she stands up the sun goes out

she makes Pinochio look like a cat!

they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling.

when you climb on top of her your ears pop.

she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.

she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.

you can go bowling with her boogers!

that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"

she whistles bass. she uses bowling balls for earrings.

when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings!

her belly button's got an echo.

when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway.

she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.

when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.


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YO MAMA JOKES >>

YO MOMMA JOKES >>

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