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Yo Mama Jokes - You Momma Jokes - SO FAT - SO STUPID
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YO MOMMA JOKES >>

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YO MAMA SO FAT >>

she has to fly cargo class

she can lay down and stand up and her height doesn't change.

her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!

she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.

her baby pictures were taken by satellite

she uses a mattress for a tampon.

when she steps on a scale, it says "I don't do livestock"

when she steps on a scale, it says "To be continued"

she could be the eighth continent

she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.

when she goes to the beach, the kids yell, "Free Willy"

even her clothes have stretch marks!

she wakes up in sections

she cant tie her own shoes

she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.

when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall. Yo Momma Jokes and Insults

she has to iron her pants on the driveway

she's 36-24-36... but that's her forearm, neck, and thigh!

when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them

I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitches good side!

the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs

she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.

she needed her ears pierced with a harpoon

she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out

when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"

when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.

she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...

and you're so poor, when she comes in your house the tires pop.

her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.

she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.

that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean.....

when she has sex, she has to give directions!

when she tiptoes, everyone yells "Stampede!"

when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up

the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!!

when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.

when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.

she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.

she sells shade in the summer

they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.

when she goes to a restaurant, she even orders the "Thank You, Come Again"

she has to use a VCR as a beeper!

when she sat on a rainbow, Skittle's fell out.

even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction

at a restaurant when they give her the menu she replies " yes Please"

when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.

She has to use a VCR as a beeper

she makes Free Willy look like a tic tac

when she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials

when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too

one day when she got in a fight the person fighting her got lost in her.

that her senior pictures had to be arial views!

she accidently got a 747 caught in her teeth


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YO MOMMA SO DIRTY >>

she has to creep up on bathwater.

roaches ride around on dune buggies!

she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.


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YO MAMMA SO STUPID >>

when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."

I have to roll her over twice to get her on her back

she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

she cant tie her own shoes

she stands up on an empty bus

she gave your uncle a blowjob 'cause he said it'd help his unemployment.

her senior picture had to be an aerial view

she went to a Whalers game to see Shamu.

she has to put on lipstick with a paint-roller

when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun

after she gets through turning around, they throw her a welcome back party

she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

she sits on the TV and watches the sofa

she called the 7-11 to see when they closed.

she got fired from a blow-job.

she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home.

she thinks a sanitary belt is drinking a shot out of a clean glass.

she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away the W's

when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck

she went to a 24-hr store and asked what time they closed

when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't do curtains"

she asked me what kind of jeans I had on, I said "Guess", and she said "uh, Levi's?"

the phone company gave her two area codes

the highway patrol made her wear "Caution Wide Turn"

she left home with high heels, she came back with flip-flops

she was Miss Arizona -- class battleship

when she steps on a scale, it says "I don't do livestock"

she only has one toe on each foot, but she bought a pair of flip flops

she ordered a cheese burger from McDonald's and said "Hold the cheese."

she spent twenty minutes staring at the orange juice carton because it said "Concentrate"

that she would have been in ET, but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse

it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!

when she heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil

she needed a tutor to learn how to scribble.

she influences the tides

she sold the house to pay the mortgage.

a picture of her would fall off the wall

she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gumball to come out.

the National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts

they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through tunnel when they want to clean it

she thinks Christmas Wrap is Snoop Dogg's holiday album.

when she wears a Malcom X shirt, helicopters try to land on her

she used a vibrator for an egg beater.

even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction

she tried to drop acid but the car battery fell on her foot.

she thought Thiland was a men's clothing store.

people jog around her for exercise

she sent me a fax with a stamp on it

she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

she thought meow mix was a record for cats.

she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.

she broke into a furniture store and slept on the floor

when she wears a yellow raincoat, folks run after her yelling "TAXI"

she sold her car for gasoline money!


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YO MOMA SO UGLY >>

She has to use a VCR as a beeper

she looks out the window and gets arrested!

they push her face into the dough to make gorilla cookies

the highway patrol made her wear "Caution Wide Turn"

she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us

they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

when she gets up, the sun goes down

the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs

when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun

your daddy takes her to work so he doesn't need to kiss her goodbye

even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction

when she bends over we lose an hour of daylight

she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

when she sits at the beach, Greenpeace tries to tow her back into the ocean

she left home with high heels, she came back with flip-flops

she only has one toe on each foot, but she bought a pair of flip flops

the prince would rather live as a frog than kiss her

we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog will play with her!

she went to a 24-hr store and asked what time they closed

when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo

she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away the W's

the difference between her and Moby Dick is about three pounds

the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale

they knew what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock!

when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?"

even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!

her mom had to feed her with a slingshot

she had to get her baby drunk to breastfeed it!

I have to roll her over twice to get her on her back

when she saw the "NC-17 (Under 17 Not Admitted)" sign, she went home and got 16 friends

they push her face into dough to make cookies.

she put your puppy in the oven to make a hot dog

she thought Taco Bell was a phone company in Mexico

when she wears a yellow raincoat, folks run after her yelling "TAXI"

when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate

when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas

her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her

she has to fly cargo class

I strangled her with a cordless phone

she don't take pictures, she takes posters

she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

she turned Medusa to stone!

a picture of her would fall off the wall

she has her own zip code

if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects!

just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

her baby pictures were taken by satellite

she took your dog to the Canine Show and won your dog came in second

people go as her for Halloween.

she bought a solar-powered flashlight

she stands in two time zones

I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

her favorite dress is a tent

when she steps on a scale, it says "To be continued"

for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!


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YO MAMA SO OLD >>

she's in Jesus's yearbook!

she co-wrote the ten commandments.

the candles cost more than the birthday cake.

she's got hieroglyphics on her driver's license.

she used to baby-sit Yoda.

she owes Jesus 3 bucks!

her birthday expired.

and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything".

she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

she owes Moses a quarter.

she has Adam & Eve's autographs.

she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

when she reads the bible she reminisces.

I told her to act her age and the bitch died.

her birth-certificate expired.

she owes Jesus a nickel.

she has a Jesus Starter jacket.

when she was young rainbows were black and white.

the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment.

she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.

she has an autographed bible.

she has all the apostles in her black book.

when Moses split the red sea, she was on the other side fishing.

she ran track with dinosaurs.

she farts out mummy dust.

she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.

she squirts powdered milk out her nipples.

Jurassic Park brought back memories.

when she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick.

she sat next to Jesus in third grade.

she has a picture of Jesus in her yearbook.

when god said "let there be light" she was there to flick the switch.

she knew the Beetles when they were the New Kids on the Block.

she used to baby-sit Jesus.

she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

she planted the first tree at Central Park.

I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.

she baby-sat for Jesus.

her birth certificate says expired on it.

her memory is in black and white.

she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.

that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch'

she's got Jesus' beeper number.

when God said "Let their be light", she flipped the switch.

her social security number is 1.



she drove a chariot to high school.

when she was in school there was no history class.

she has Jesus' beeper number!

she watches PBS.

she was a waitress at the last supper.


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YO MOMMA SO POOR >>

when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!

her face is on the front of a foodstamp.

your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.

she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.

when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!!!

she can't afford to pay attention!

she drives a peanut.

she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."


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YO MAMMA SO DARK >>

she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.

she went to night school and was marked absent!

that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.

she spits chocolate milk!


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YO MOMA SO SHORT >>

she does backflips under the bed.

she poses for trophies!

she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!

she can play handball on the curb.


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YO MAMA SO NASTY >>

she bought her boyfriend kneepads for christmas.

she made Speed Stick slow down.

she only changes her drawers once every 10000 miles.

her crabs use her tampon string as a bungee cord.

she went swimming and made the Dead Sea.

she made right guard turn left.

she brings crabs to the beach

she went to a hair salon and told the stylist to cut her hair, then she opened up her blouse!!

she made Right Guard turn left.

she has a sign by her pussy that says: "Warning: May cause irritation, drowsiness, and a rash or breakouts."

her tits give sour milk.

she had sex with a woman and got pregnant.

I called her up for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.

when she goes to a hair salon, she told the stylist to cut her hair and she opened up her shirt

Ozzie Ozbourne refused to bite her head off

that her shit is glad to escape.

she has more crabs then Red Lobster.

she's got more clap than an auditorium.

they call her Norelco... Home of the triple head.

a skunk smelled her ass and passed out.

when I went to yo house said whats for dinner, yo mama jumped up on the table, spread her legs, and said "crabs!"

the fishery be paying her to leave

she breeds crabs.

she made speed stick slow down.

she puts ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh.

She gotta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh!

she pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh

I talked to her over the computer and she gave me a virus.

she has to creep up on bathwater.

when I went to yo house said whats for dinner, yo mama put her foot up on the table and said "Corn!"




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YO MOMMA LIKE >>

a library, open to the public.

a vacuum cleaner... she sucks, blows, and then gets laid in the closet.

Discover card, she gives cash back.

the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen.

a paper towel, she picks up all kinds of slimy wet stuff.

a microwave, one button and she's hot.

a hardware store: 4 cents a screw!

McDonalds... over 5 billion served world wide.

Humpty Dumpty... first she gets humped, then she gets dumped.

a carpenter's dream, flat as a board and easy to nail.

an ice cream cone... everyone gets a lick.

a bubble gum machine, 5 cents a blow.

a bag of potato chips, "Free-To-Lay."

a mail box, open day and night.

a light switch, even a little kid can turn her on.

a turtle, once she's on her back she's fucked.

a vaccuum cleaner.....a real good suck.

a bus, fifty cents and she's ready to ride!

a screen door, after a couple of bangs she loosens up.

a rifle... four cocks and she's loaded.

a bubble-gum machine... five cents a blow.

Domino's pizza-- Something for nothing

cake mix, 15 servings per package!

Burger King... Your way, right away.

a telephone, even a 3 year old can pick her up.

a bowling ball, she gets picked up, fingered, thrown down the gutter, and she still l comes back for more.

a railroad track, she gets laid all over the country.

Denny's... open 24 hours.

mustard, she spreads easy.

a Christmas tree, everybody hangs balls on her.

a fine restaurant, she only takes deliveries in the rear.

Sprint, 10 cents a minute anywhere in the country.

a nickel, she ain't worth a dime.

a goalie: she changes her pads after three periods.

an elevator, guys go up and down on her all day.

a chicken coop, cocks fly in and out all day.

a streetlamp, you can find her turned on at night on any street corner.

a squirrel, she's always got some nuts in her mouth.

a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece.

a T.V. set, even a three year old can turn her on!

a golf course, everyone GETS a hole in one!

a race car driver, she burns a lot of rubbers.

Bazooka Joe, 5 cents a blow.

a refridgerator, everyone puts their meat in her.

7-Eleven... open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy.

Dominoes Pizza, something for nothing.

a Chinese restaurant, $4.95 all you can eat.

a Toyota, "OOooh what a feeling!"

chinese food: sweet, sour and cheap!

the Panama Canal, vessels full of seamen pass through her everyday.

a gas station... you gotta pay before you pump.

a shotgun: one cock and she blows!

a dollar bill, she gets handled all across the country.

the pillbury doughboy - everyone gets a poke!

a refridgerator: everyone likes to put their meat in her!


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YO MAMMA SO HAIRY >>

you almost died of rug burn at birth.

if I shaved her legs, I could supply wigs for the entire Hair Club for Men.

she's got afros on her nipples!

Bigfoot is taking her picture!

she got a trim and lost 10 pounds.

she spread her legs and said, "We're going to Busch Gardens."

she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.

she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.

she's a stunt double for Chubaca in Star Wars.

she has afros on her nipples.

her breasts look like coconuts.

she shaves with a weedwacker.

she shaved her ass and she disappeared.


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YO MOMA SO SLUTTY >>

that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she thought she was getting it three times.

she blind and seeing another man.

when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented on her nice belt!

she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!

is so long, its growing all the way down to her dick.

I fucked her and I's a chick!

she had her own "Hands across her ass" charity drive

she could suck-start a Harley!

that I could've been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change.

she was on the cover of wheaties, with her legs open, and it said "breakfast of the champs"


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YO MAMA SO BIG >>

when you climb on top of her your ears pop.

she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.

you can go bowling with her boogers!

when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings!

she makes Pinochio look like a cat!

she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.

when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway.

that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"

she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.

when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.

she whistles bass. she uses bowling balls for earrings.

she rollerskates on busses.

they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling.

when she stands up the sun goes out

her belly button's got an echo.


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YO MOMMA SO GREASY >>

she sweats Crisco!

she used bacon as a band-aid!

Texaco buys Oil from her


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YO MAMMA SO YELLOW >>

she spits butter!

traffic slows down when she smiles!


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YO MOMA SO LAZY >>

she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.


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YO MAMA SO SKINNY >>

she hula hoops with a cheerio

she turned sideways and dissapeared.

she has to wear a belt with spandex.


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YO MOMMA SO BALD >>

even a wig wouldn't help!

you can see whats on her mind

that she took a shower and got brain-washed.


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YO MAMMA SO TALL >>

she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.

she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.

she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.


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YO MOMA SO FLAT >>

she's jealous of the wall!


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YO MAMA GLASSES >>



she can see into the future.

that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.


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YO MOMMA HAS >>

one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying.

a glass eye with a fish in it.

a 'fro with warning lights.

4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.

a short leg and walks in circles.

green hair and thinks she's a tree.

a short arm and can't applaude.

one leg and a bicycle.

10 fingers--all on the same hand.

an afro with a chin strap.

one hand and a Clapper.

a wooden afro with an "X" carved in the back.

so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.




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YO MAMMA GOT >>

so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.

two wooden legs and one is one backward.

a bald head with a part and sideburns.



a metal afro with rusty sideburns.

a' afro, wit' a chin strap!!!!

three fingers and a banjo.

a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.

a wooden leg with branches.

so many freckles she looks like a hamburger!


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YO MOMA SO SMALL >>

she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.

you have to go outside to change your mind.

that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.


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YO MAMA SO DIRTY >>

she has to creep up on bathwater.

roaches ride around on dune buggies!

she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.


*****************

YO MOMMA SO BIG >>

when you climb on top of her your ears pop.

she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.

you can go bowling with her boogers!

when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings!

she makes Pinochio look like a cat!

she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.

when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway.

that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"

she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.

when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.

she whistles bass. she uses bowling balls for earrings.

she rollerskates on busses.

they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling.

when she stands up the sun goes out

her belly button's got an echo.


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YO MAMA JOKES >>

YO MOMMA JOKES >>

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