You Might Be A Redneck if >>
Your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".
You wore curlers to your wedding so you would look nice at the reception.
You have Mason jars filled with stuff the FBI can't identify.
If your two year old has more teeth than you do..
There is a gun rack on your bicycle.
You can spit without opening your mouth.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the "House of Tattoos".
You've ever held somebody up with a caulk gun.
Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
Bikers back down from your momma.
Your kids have a three-day-old Kool-Aid mustache.
You think mud rasslin' should be an Olympic sport.
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
Your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.
You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
You've ever hit a deer with your car... on purpose! "
Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
If you clean your house with a waterhose.
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
Your wading boots double as dress pants.
Your two-year-old has more teeth than you do.
You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
Everything you won at the fair is hanging from your rearview mirror.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.
You've ever vacationed in a rest area.
Your favorite Christmas present, was a painting on black velvet.
You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
The cockroaches left you a note saying, "Clean this place up!"
The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."
Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.
Your Junior and Senior Prom had a day care.
Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired" people.
The highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.
Your family business requires a lookout.
You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
You've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.
You use your fishing license as a form of I.D.
Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.
There are antlers nailed to the outside of your house.
If you start all your e-mails with the words "HOWDY Y'ALL"
At your wedding all the relatives could sit on either side of the aisle.
You've ever parked a Camero in a tree.
The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
Most of the articles of clothing you own have a rebel flag on them.
The original color of your carpet is an unsolved mystery.
You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.
You sit on the front porch and shoot deer.
You have a choice to call one of your relatives mom, grandma, or sister.
You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
Redman sends you a Christmas card.
Anyone in your family wrestles alligators for a living.
You've ever left something other than money in the offering plate.
You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
If your big toe sticks out of your best pair of socks.
Your wife would rather fish off a bridge than shop for clothes.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
Birds are attracted to your beard.
You help booby trap your families marijuana crop.
Your screen door has no screen.
After making love you ask your date to roll down the window.
You forego a haircut because there's not a clean bowl in the house.
You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
If the UFO hotline limits you to one call per day..
You think the phrase "chicken out" means one of your pets has escaped.
There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
If your mother has ever come out of the bathroom and said y'all come look at this before I flush it!! ..
If you have an above ground pool and you fish in it..
You've ever shot anyone for looking at you.
You give away more free puppies than the Humane Society.
Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off it.
It's Easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
You know you're a redneck if you wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.
You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."
You have to re-crank your car at every intersection.
You were 22 before you quit falling for, "Hey, wanta play '52 Pickup?'"
Your Christmas cards have a copy of your butt included.
You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient in soup.
If you've ever made change in the offering plate..
You think that anyone who has ten toes and fingers is abnormal.
Today's dinner was too slow crossing the highway yesterday.
The word 'Yup' is a primary word in your vocabulary
The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves shoes and a flashlight..
Your sister subscribes to "Soldier of Fortune" magazine.
The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.
You've ever financed a tattoo.
You decide to atend the family reunion hoping to pick up chicks.
You list your parole officer as a reference.
Your junior-senior prom had a daycare center.
Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
You consider a six pack and a bug zapper quality entertainment.
You've ever cleaned fish in your living room.
If you've ever financed a tattoo..(three more payments and this son of gun is mine!!)
If your dogs eat better than you.
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines." or "Play Ball..."
Your car stereo costs more than your car.
Any of your hobbies require dogs and a lantern.
You've ever shot a deer from inside your house.
Your riches relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels and skirt.
The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
Beurau of Alcohol Tobbaco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can loose them or not.
The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.
Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.
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