You Might Be A Redneck if >>
Your wife's brass knuckles set off the airport security alarm.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
Your local newspaper has a front-page feature called "Cow of the Week."
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
Your idea of a seven course meal is a taco and a six pack of Lonestar.
Going to the bathroom late at night requires shoes and a flashlight.
Your junior-senior prom had a daycare center.
You've ever left something other than money in the offering plate.
You spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass cuz it was cheaper than flowers!
Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them.
Everything you won at the fair is hanging from your rearview mirror.
If washing your clothes requires walking down to the creek.
Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
If you have an above ground pool and you fish in it..
Your wedding was held in the delivery room.
The fountain at your wedding spewed beer instead of champagne.
You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
You've ever lost your wife in a poker game.
You can burp the entire chorus of "Jingle Bells."
You need an estimate from the barber before you get a haircut.
Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired" people.
Your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire...on her house
Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
You drove to elementary school.
You pick your teeth from a catalog.
You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission, so I can take a bath!"
You forego a haircut because there's not a clean bowl in the house.
You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
You lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
You have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial.
Helping your cousin, Billy-Bob, move into his new place consists of the wheels off his doublewide
The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
You think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
You have ever watched an entire infomercial and said, "Hell yeah, I'm gonna get me one of them."
You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's tooth.
You've ever heard a sheep bleat and had romantic thoughts.
You've ever shot a deer from inside your house.
You have orange road cones in your living room.
Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have the Yosemite Sam mud flaps.
You burn your front yard rather than mow it.
The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.
You thought Forrest Gump was an intellectual.
You mow your lawn and find a car.
You've ever bought a used cap.
You have to take the entire day off work to have your teeth cleaned.
The cockroaches left you a note saying, "Clean this place up!"
You've ever stood in line to have your picture made with a freak of nature.
You bring a bar of soap to a public pool.
Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
You've ever parked a Camero in a tree.
The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.
The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."
Your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.
You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.
Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
There is a wasp nest in your living room.
You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
If you've ever used a CD-ROM as a coaster to set your beer on
Your wife has a beer belly, and you find it attractive.
You think paprika is a third-world country.
You think toilet water is exactly that.
You've ever vacationed in a rest area.
Your sister subscribes to "Soldier of Fortune" magazine.
You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient in soup.
The kids are going hungry because you had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.
If you leave the Christmas lights on your house year round.
If you've ever had to haul a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend you sister's honor..
Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
You can take your bra off while driving.
Your mom has ever been in a fistfight at a school sporting event.
You're still upset about "Gunsmoke" being cancelled.
You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
Stealing road signs is a family outing.
You have flowers planted in a bathromm appliance in your front yard.
Your bumper sticker says, "My other car is a combine."
There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.
The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
You sell rabbits out of your car.
Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.
You don't need a clean shirt to go to work.
The primary color of your car is "bondo".
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
Your Junior and Senior Prom had a day care.
For a good time, you go nuts at the local Auto Zone.
You've ever asked a widow for her phone number at the funeral home.
If extra seating in your house means sending Billie Bob for a log from the wood pile.
Your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.
Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
You idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"
Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell".
You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado,
Your car breaks down on the side of the road and you never go back to get it.
If you time your belches to achieve a personal best.
Your two-year-old has more teeth than you do.
You have a house that's mobile and five cars that aren't.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the "House of Tattoos".
There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
You've ever left Santa Claus a PBR and a Slim Jim.
Your dog rides in the front seat and your kids ride in the back.
The only condiment on the supper room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
People are scared to touch your wife's bathrobe.
If your mother has ever come out of the bathroom and said y'all come look at this before I flush it!! ..
The latest picture of your mother is on a wanted poster.
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