You Might Be A Redneck if >>
You don't need a clean shirt to go to work.
The last photos of your mama were taken from the front and the side.
You celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it.
Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off it.
Your wife has four-wheel drive on her vacuum cleaner.
You've ever cleaned fish in your living room.
Taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.
Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!" reminds you to pull up your jeans.
Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin' dog.
You drove to elementary school.
Your junior-senior prom had a daycare center.
If you best coon hound gets a birthday present and your wife doesn't.
The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (you insurance man is one too if he pays you for it).
The kids are going hungry because you had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.
You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'
If you've ever financed a tattoo..(three more payments and this son of gun is mine!!)
You've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You have a special baseball cap, just for formal occassions.
You've ever used lard in bed.
Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.
You're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
You have ever read an entire article in a gun magazine.
You have a hefty bag on the passenger side window.
Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
You've ever run down a bowling lane and slid into the pins.
You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.
Your bumper sticker says, "My other car is a combine."
When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
If your e-mail address ends in @over.yonder.com
Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
You use the O on a stop sign to sight your new rifle.
You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
You go to the family reunion to pick up women.
Your dog rides in the front seat and your kids ride in the back.
You have been hunting on a tractor.
You forego a haircut because there's not a clean bowl in the house.
Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
Your mother doesn't put on shoes to go grocery shopping.
There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.
The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."
You were 22 before you quit falling for, "Hey, wanta play '52 Pickup?'"
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines." or "Play Ball..."
In an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.
You're an expert on worm beds.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
You sit on the front porch and shoot deer.
You have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial.
There is a stuffed opossum anywhere in your house.
You fish in your above-ground pool. . . and catch something.
You refer to your pick-up as "The Love Machine."
Yer mom calls ya over t'help, cause she has a flat tire...on her house
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
You think toilet water is exactly that.
You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance. (Is that a bad mental image or what?)
Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
Your wife has a beer belly, and you find it attractive.
You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
If your two year old has more teeth than you do..
You decide to atend the family reunion hoping to pick up chicks.
You've ever hitchhiked naked,
Your wife would rather fish off a bridge than shop for clothes.
You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
You've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.
You wash your car more often than your kids.
Your mom has ever been in a fistfight at a school sporting event.
You can't visit relatives without getting mud on your tires.
The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.
You've ever hollered, "You kids quit playing on that sheet metal!"
The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
You have a choice to call one of your relatives mom, grandma, or sister.
Your idea of going formal is a black truck.
The highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.
If you think putting screens on your house's windows would just impede your aim.
Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them.
You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
Your local newspaper has a front-page feature called "Cow of the Week."
You have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.
"Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.
During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
On your honeymoon you leave the driving to Greyhound.
You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
You are hit with fear then a strong sense of pride after being asked to sign the back of your payroll check.
You paint your car with house paint.
You thought the OJ trial was a suit against Minute Maid.
There are more fish on your wall than pictures.
You slam the door on your truck and your shotgun creates an instant sunroof.
Your Christmas cards have a xerox copy of your butt included.
You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.
You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
You barbecue Spam on the grill.
There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.
None of your shirts cover your stomach.
You've ever named a child after a good dog.
You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
Your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.
If you time your belches to achieve a personal best.
You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.
Your muffler is held on by a coat hanger.
Your coat-of-arms features kudzu.
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