You Might Be A Redneck if >>
You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
You attend Civil War reenactments and root for the rebels to this time.
You grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.
Your mailbox is made out of old auto parts.
The Roto-Rooter man comes to your house and asks, "What's that smell?"
You have to take the entire day off work to have your teeth cleaned.
Your wife has a beer belly, and you find it attractive.
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
There is a gun rack on your bicycle.
Your idea of sex-talk is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"
You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve...
You have a rag for a gas cap.
Your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.
You own more than 30 inbred cats.
If you've ever had to haul a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend you sister's honor..
You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
If you time your belches to achieve a personal best.
There is a puddle in your driveway year-round.
If your big toe sticks out of your best pair of socks.
You walk into a restaurant with a toothpick in your mouth.
Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer gray.
You use the O on a stop sign to sight your new rifle.
You think mud rasslin' should be an Olympic sport.
If all four tires on your truck are differnt sizes.
In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?".
The only condiment on the supper room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
Your masseuse uses lard.
Your kids have a three-day-old Kool-Aid mustache.
Your momma doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her a--.
The fountain at your wedding spewed beer instead of champagne.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
You thought Forrest Gump was an intellectual.
You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin' dog.
Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves shoes and a flashlight..
Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
You'd rather catch bass than get some (if you can't guess...)
You go to a tupperware party for a haircut.
You've ever cleaned fish in your living room.
You go christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
If you leave your car running to go into the beer store....
Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.
If the fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year,"
You decide to atend the family reunion hoping to pick up chicks.
You do not know anyone who owns less than ten guns.
You have to scratch your sisters name out of the message: "for a good time call . .", because you feel guilty about putting it there...
You thought the OJ trial was a suit against Minute Maid.
You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
If your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade..
You've ever been too drunk to fish.
The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!", "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin'?" (If they respond with the same... they're a redneck too!)
If you start all your e-mails with the words "HOWDY Y'ALL"
You consider dating second cousins as "playing the field."
You can burp the entire chorus of "Jingle Bells."
You can't tell what color your car is because of the dirt.
You have goats in your front yard.
The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.
You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient in soup.
You've ever used lard in bed.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.
You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You wet the bed and four other people immediately know it.
You have ever watched an entire infomercial and said, "Hell yeah, I'm gonna get me one of them."
You have been hunting on a tractor.
You take a fishing pole to Sea World.
You haul more than U-Haul.
You watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.
You bring your dog to work with you.
If you have more dogs than children.
Diner may or may not have tire tracks.
You've ever heard a sheep bleat and had romantic thoughts.
You need an estimate from the barber before you get a haircut.
Someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush it."
You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".
Your local newspaper has a front-page feature called "Cow of the Week."
The cockroaches left you a note saying, "Clean this place up!"
You get your oil changed by your barber.
You think that anyone who has ten toes and fingers is abnormal.
You celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it.
Your child's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers!".
You have to curl the sides of your cowboy hat so your wife can fit in the truck.
Your grandfather completely executes the "pull my finger" trick at the family reunion.
You've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.
All the art in your living room was purchased at gas stations.
Your sewage system consists of a pipe down the hillside.
You forego a haircut because there's not a clean bowl in the house.
More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
You can count the number of teeth you have on one hand.
You use a fishing license as a form of Identification.
The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (you insurance man is one too if he pays you for it).
If your mother has ever come out of the bathroom and said y'all come look at this before I flush it!! ..
Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.
Your neighbors have ever asked to borrow the light bulb.
You've ever been arrested on an obscene mud-flap charge.
Fewer than half of your cars run.
Your dog can smoke a cigarette.
Your two-year-old has more teeth than you do.
Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
Your kid takes a siphon hose to show-and-tell.
You are hit with fear then a strong sense of pride after being asked to sign the back of your payroll check.
You pick your teeth from a catalog.
You've ever run down a bowling lane and slid into the pins.
You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance. (Is that a bad mental image or what?)
Your truck can pass over a 55-gallon drum without touching it.
You've never paid for a haircut.
You have a tattoo that says, "Born to bag groceries."
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