You Might Be A Redneck if >>
Your wife owns a camouflage nightie.
Your wife has a beer belly, and you find it attractive.
Your child's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers!".
The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.
If you've ever financed a tattoo..(three more payments and this son of gun is mine!!)
Brake set?" is what you hear right before you and your wife/girl make love
You have a house that's mobile and five cars that aren't.
You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
Your local newspaper has a front-page feature called "Cow of the Week."
If the highlight of your day is finding the prize in a Cracker Jacks box.. "Look honey it glows in the dark!!"
Helping your cousin, Billy-Bob, move into his new place consists of the wheels off his doublewide
If your mother has more chest hair than your father.
The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you looking at, Shithead?"
You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
You grow your sideburns longer & fuller because it looks so good on your sister.
You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
For a good time, you go nuts at the local Auto Zone.
Your John Deere hat fell off when you kissed the bride at your wedding.
The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the Fair.
You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
You've ever asked a widow for her phone number at the funeral home.
Your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".
Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
There are antlers nailed to the outside of your house.
Your dad is also your favorite uncle.
You can eat a McDonald's cheeseburger in one bite.
You have to mow your driveway.
You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
Your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.
Your mother doesn't put on shoes to go grocery shopping.
You'd rather catch bass than get some (if you can't guess...)
If you have more dogs than children.
People are scared to touch your wife's bathrobe.
You give away more free puppies than the Humane Society.
You've ever held somebody up with a caulk gun.
You think "No Nonsense Panty Hose" means they are crotchless.
Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have the Yosemite Sam mud flaps.
Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
Your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire...on her house
If in your town, the Dukes's of Hazard and B.J. and the Bear are considered classics.
You take a fishing pole to Sea World.
You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
Your wife has a set of earrings that you use as a fishing lure.
You can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.
If all four tires on your truck are differnt sizes.
You've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.
You walk into a restaurant with a toothpick in your mouth.
Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
You have a Hefty bag for a Car/Truck convertable top.
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
Your talent in the local beauty pageant was making noises with your armpit.
You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve...
You've ever run down a bowling lane and slid into the pins.
When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
All of your relatives' cars have "Tag Stolen" signs in the rear window.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the "House of Tattoos".
Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
If your two year old has more teeth than you do..
If you leave the Christmas lights on your house year round.
Your idea of a seven course meal is a taco and a six pack of Lonestar.
You've ever stood in line to have your picture made with a freak of nature.
"Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Play Ball..."
Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
You pick your teeth from a catalog.
You clean your nails with a stick.
Most of your social events are held in a trailer.
Redman Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas card.
You have a choice to call one of your relatives mom, grandma, or sister.
Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer gray.
Your sister is your Aunt.
Your dog rides in the front of your truck and your wife rides in the bed.
Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
You have every episode of "Hee Haw" on tape.
You've ever made change in the offering plate.
You've ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.
On your honeymoon you leave the driving to Greyhound.
If you think pro fisherman Babe Winkleman And Bill Dance are gods.
You have flowers planted in a bathromm appliance in your front yard.
You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
You forego a haircut because there's not a clean bowl in the house.
You argue over the advantages of John Deere and International farm equipment.
You're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
You think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.
The flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.
You've ever parked a Camero in a tree.
Your Christmas cards have a xerox copy of your butt included.
Your wife's brass knuckles set off the airport security alarm.
The kids are going hungry because you had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.
Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them.
You're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it...
You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
There is a gun rack on your bicycle.
You bring your dog to work with you.
You spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass cuz it was cheaper than flowers!
There are more fish on your wall than pictures.
Your car wakes people up when you drive down the street.
You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
You think the Yellow Pages have something to do with training a puppy.
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