You Might Be A Redneck if >>
Truckers tell your wife to watch her language.
Your sister is your Aunt.
Your house has tires and most of your cars don't.
When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank!
Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
Your mother has ever been arrested for poaching.
Fewer than half of your cars run.
Redman sends you a Christmas card.
If people ask to hunt in your front yard..
Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you looking at, Shithead?"
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
If your kid's favorite bedtime story is "Curious George and the high voltage fence.
You have more than two brothers named Bubba.
If possums are considered fine cuisine in your home.
Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
You have a special baseball cap, just for formal occassions.
You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
You've ever made change in the offering plate.
More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
You actually made a pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight with Alan Jackson.
You get Odor-Eaters as a Christmas present.
You take a fishing pole to Sea World.
Diner may or may not have tire tracks.
Your best ashtray is a turtle shell.
You burn your front yard rather than mow it.
If your back yard catches on fire and CNN reports a "Major Tire Fire".
If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes (if you have them) a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
You come back from the dump with more than you took.
Your Christmas cards have a xerox copy of your butt included.
Bikers back down from your momma.
You've ever stood in line to have your picture made with a freak of nature.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
You thought Forrest Gump was an intellectual.
You've ever shot a deer from inside your house.
Your muffler is held on by a coat hanger.
You use the O on a stop sign to sight your new rifle.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance. (Is that a bad mental image or what?)
You've ever named a child after a good dog.
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
You're still upset about "Gunsmoke" being cancelled.
There is more oil in your cap than in your car.
You say, "I heard dat!" more than three times in a two-minute conversation.
If you think a local tractor pull is a premier source of entertainment.
You hang pickled eggs and pop-tops from your Christmas tree.
The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.
Your riches relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels and skirt.
Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off it.
None of your shirts cover your stomach.
Your local newspaper has a front-page feature called "Cow of the Week."
You wore curlers to your wedding so you would look nice at the reception.
Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
You've ever vacationed in a rest area.
Your wading boots double as dress pants.
Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
You have a Hefty bag for a Car/Truck convertable top.
Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired" people.
You've ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow.
You go to the family reunion to pick up women.
Everyone in your family is an Elvis impersonator.
Your biggest ambition in live is to "git thet big'ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah bubba's barn..."
Your family tree doesn't fork.
Your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.
The fountain at your wedding spewed beer instead of champagne.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
You have every episode of "Hee Haw" on tape.
The hood and one door are a different color than the rest of your car.
You have to scratch your sisters name out of the message: "for a good time call . .", because you feel guilty about putting it there...
You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.
There are tobacco stains down the sides of your school bus.
Your idea of a good Saturday night is shooting rats at the dump.
You think "recycling" means going home from work.
You have 5 cars that are immobile and house that is!
An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.
You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
Your two-year-old has more teeth than you do.
If you clean your house with a waterhose.
You've ever bought a used cap.
You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient in soup.
You own more than 30 inbred cats.
Your back porch is bigger than your house.
You have ever read an entire article in a gun magazine.
Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.
Your car stereo costs more than your car.
You haul more than U-Haul.
You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
The primary color of your car is "bondo".
If you go to the family reunion to meet women..
You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado,
If your big toe sticks out of your best pair of socks.
During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
You consider a six pack and a bug zapper quality entertainment.
Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have the Yosemite Sam mud flaps.
If the amount of beer was the first thing you planned for your wedding.
Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
Your flashlight holds more than 4 batteries.
You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
You use your fishing license as a form of I.D.
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